
inmnr-,' 





THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 



THEBE BACHELOR GIRLS 


BY 


MINNIE MAY MONKS 

H 


<§> 


THE BOOKERY PUBLISHING CO. 

NEW YORK 


Tz 3 

TX, 


MAR 25 1914 



< < <■ 


Copyright, 1914. 
gf MINNIE MAY MONKS 


©CI.A369482 

' u ~o f 


TO MY FATHER AND MOTHER 




\ 


* 






































♦ 
























\ 


* 
































CONTENTS 


PAGE 


I — Bachelor Girls 11 

II — Fishing and Haying 29 

III — Rambling 45 

IV — Chatty and the Professor 57 

V — By-Paths to Arcadia 75 

VI — Cooking a Dinner 87 

VII — In Cupid's Garden 99 

VIII — Huckleberrying 105 

IX — Love and a Wish-Bone 125 

X — Concerning a Courtship 131 


























































THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 





























I 

BACHELOR GIRLS 

“Come along, Ted!” said Chatty. “If 
you want me to stay up here in the mountains, 
you’ve got to get up and do something, or 
I’ll go back home today. Come! Get up! 
And don’t look so cross. Smile, Ted; laugh!” 
she bubbled, and tickled me until I rolled out 
of bed, begging for mercy. 

“Why don’t you wake Bonnie?” I asked 
crossly. 

“Oh, fire and thunder and Uncle Sam’s 
militia wouldn’t waken her, — and besides, 
she looks like such an angel lying there asleep. 
I wouldn’t be as blond, and soft, and angelic- 
looking as Bonnie for worlds. Brunettes are 
so much more attractive!” 

“I’d let someone else say that, if I were 
you!” I snapped, as I picked myself up from 
the floor and reached for my clothes. 

II 


12 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“Oh, what’s the odds — ” said Chatty, 
dimpling, as she tiptoed over to the mirror 
and ran her fingers through her mass of dark 
wavy hair, and looked admiringly at her 
reflection. 

“You must think it’s pleasant for me to 
be routed out of bed in this fashion, two hours 
ahead of time,” I grumbled, “but I suppose 
I’ll have to humor you. ” 

“Yes, Ted, you will,” answered Chatty 
sweetly, “or I’ll go home!” 

When Chatty and I stole quietly out of 
the back hall door, we saw Uncle Billy stoop- 
ing over a bench under the apple-tree, sousing 
his face and hands in a big basin of water. 
He isn’t our Uncle, but we thought he looked 
like such a nice old man that we immediately 
christened him Uncle Billy; and his wife, 
who is a plump, motherly little woman, we 
call Aunt Molly. 

“Where you women going, so early in the 
morning?” asked Uncle Billy as he looked up 
at us in surprise. 


BACHELOR GIRLS 


13 


“Up on the hill, to see the sun rise,” 
answered Chatty. 

“Well then, you’d better go right back to 
bed again, for the sun beat you up by an hour, 
and besides you’d get your feet all wet in the 
dewy grass. ” 

“Back to bed! I guess not!” said Chatty. 
“I’m hungry. I suppose you have no objec- 
tion to our eating some of those apples by the 
woodshed?” 

“My, no! Go eat your fill,” answered 
Uncle Billy good naturedly. 

“Let me get up first, Ted — and give me a 
boost. You’re tall, and can get up by 
yourself,” said Chatty, eyeing the height 
of the shed. I boosted her, then scrambled 
up the best I could, holding on to the stout 
trumpet-vines that covered the sides of 
the shed. 

After nibbling a few bites, Chatty began — 
I knew she would — “I’d like to know what 
you expect to do, back in these mountains, 
three miles from the railroad station, and 


14 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


half a mile from the nearest neighbor. Last 
night the whip-poor-wills and crickets kept 
me awake till midnight, and made me so 
homesick I wanted to die! And then those 
wretched guinea hens, squawking ‘pot rack’ 
under my window, woke me before day- 
light. I can’t content myself up here, just 
eating and sleeping all day as Bonnie does; 
and I wouldn’t be as interested as you 
are, in everything wild, for worlds. And 
there isn’t even one man around here for me 
to talk to!” 

“Being a Bachelor Girl — ” I commenced. 

“Being a Bachelor Girl — ” Chatty mimicked. 
“You know very well, Ted, that when I 
joined the Bachelor Girl Club I didn’t agree 
to give up the opposite sex. I don’t want to 
marry, but I do like the men. Oh, you 
needn’t sit there and wag your head at me 
like that! I tell you, a month of this life will 
kill me.” 

“You deserve a good shaking, Chatty,” 
said I. “What more do you want? Lots of 


BACHELOR GIRLS 


15 


fresh things to eat, no other boarders to 
bother us, no fancy clothes to make us 
uncomfortable, and these beautiful mountains 
of northern Jersey to climb. Just look around, 
and see what a nice big farm it is; that old 
apple orchard below us, and the green hills 
over yonder, — and here comes a drove of 
cows through the pasture-lot. ” 

"Yes, Ted, I know all that,” said Chatty, 
without raising her eyes from her apple. 
“Listen to the pigs grunt, and smell the swill. 
Ideal! Perfectly ideal! It’s all very nice for 
you, Ted, — but you’re you, and I’m me , — 
and there’s the difference! Of course you’re 
happy here; you always are, when you can 
wear an abbreviated skirt, and go without a 
hat. But you know very well that I like to 
dress up in pretty fluffy things, and talk to 
men and tease them and have them think 
I’m nice. Do you know, Ted, there’s a place 
here” — and she put her hand over her heart — 
“’way down here, tucked away in the lower 
left hand corner of the left ventricle of my 


16 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


heart, there’s something connected with the 
conjugal organ in the back of my head which 
tells me that I won’t always be a bachelor 
girl.” 

“What!” I exclaimed, as I pushed myself 
back and gazed at her in astonishment. I 
gave myself another hitch, — and the next 
minute I was sliding bumpety-bump down 
the slippery moss-covered shingles of the old 
roof, and straight into the pig pen below, — 
striking my elbow funnybone with such force 
that it brought tears to my eyes, and I let out 
a yell that must have paralyzed those pigs, 
for they never squealed. And when I bounded 
out of the pen and looked back, they hadn’t 
budged. While I was feeling of myself, to 
find how many bones were broken, Chatty 
peered over, and scolded. 

“That’s right, Ted,” she said, “break you 
neck, and keep me up in this forsaken place 
another month, taking care of you.” She 
hung her legs over the roof-edge. “Now, how 
am I to get down off this roof?” 


\ 


BACHELOR GIRLS 


17 


I shrugged my shoulders, then limped 
round the corner of the house to the 
cherry trees, and settled down, with a 
groan for my bruised shins, in the old 
hammock made of barrel -staves strung on 
ropes — the most uncomfortable invention 
ever. 

I wasn’t in the hammock five minutes 
before I heard a racket among the guinea- 
hens. Their shrill, peculiar cry sounded 
unusually excited. Next I heard Uncle Billy 
shouting, "Hey, young woman! What are 
you doing to my guineas?” 

“I’m chasing them out of your potato- 
patch, and trying to ‘get even’ for their 
waking me this morning,” Chatty called 
back coolly. 

“You are, eh! Well, I put those guineas 
in my potato-patch to eat potato-bugs off 
the potato-plants; that’s what I keep guinea- 
hens for . ” He waved her away. “You chase 
butterflies and humming-birds, if you must 
chase something!” 


18 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


I groaned — and flopped over in the ham- 
mock. 

“Good heavens, Chatty! A person would 
think you were a child of six, instead of a 
woman of twenty-and-six, ” I fairly shouted, 
as she came around the house. “What’s the 
matter with you, anyway?” 

“Oh, shut up, Ted! I’ve got to have a 
little excitement.” She managed to keep 
cool and good during the rest of the morn- 
ing. 

“Let’s go swimming,” she suggested, after 
lunch. 

“And where shall we get bathing-suits?” 
asked Bonnie. 

“Leave that to me,” said Chatty. “I saw 
some pink pajamas on the clothes-line. Per- 
haps I can borrow those, on the Q. T., and 
the owner won’t know the odds!” 

A few minutes later she returned, carrying 
a fat dark bundle. “Look at these duds!” 
she called to us breezily, shaking out three 
old gingham wrappers. “Fine for bathing- 


BACHELOR GIRLS 


19 


suits. They’re Aunt Molly’s, and they ought 
to be loose and comfortable. ” 

We started off to find a swimming-hole. 
From the barnyard bars a beaten trail led 
away over the hill to the edge of a cool, shady 
wood, then forked into two paths, — one 
leading into the wood, the other winding 
around the foot of the hill. 

“We’ll follow this one,” I said, as I climbed 
over the rail fence and started along the wood 
path. 

“And probably end in a potato-patch, as 
we did the last time you took us a- walking,” 
said Chatty. 

“Wood roads don’t generally end in potato- 
patches, ” I retorted. 

“But sometimes they end in swamps, and I 
haven’t forgotten the time you took us 
hiking and lost us in the bogs, and kept us 
travelling round in a circle all day, through 
nasty puddles, till my new tan shoes were 
ruined!” 

Despite Chatty’s sarcastic remarks about 


20 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


my guidemanship, we soon found the brook, 
and followed it, jumping from stone to stone, 
till we reached a sheltered spot where thick 
hemlock branches overhung a deep pool. 
Here we undressed, and donned our impro- 
vised bathing-suits. 

“We’ll take a cold plunge, to begin with,” 
said Chatty. “It’s good for the nerves, they 
say, — and we won’t even wet our toes till 
we’re all ready. Don’t look so frightened, 
Bonnie; if you’d persevere with this sort of 
thing, you might get thinner. All ready? 
Now — One — Two — Three — Plunge ! ” 

With one thundering splash we went under 
— and with a hundred shivering gasps we 
arose, and with us Aunt Molly’s wrappers, 
floating about us like great balloons. 

“Brrrh! Fine as an ocean plunge, wasn’t 
it, Ted?” cried Chatty, glaring at me, as she 
blew water out of her nose and mouth. “And 
that nice ‘after glow’ one hears so much about 
— -I haven’t felt it yet!” 

Bonnie scrambled out on the bank. 


BACHELOR GIRLS 


21 


"What — what made it so cold?” she 
shivered - 

“Oh,” said Chatty, “this is one of those 
‘clear, cold trout-streams, fed by icy springs’ 
that you read about. ” 

“That’s just like you, Chatty,” I said 
indignantly. “You persuade Bonnie and me 
to take the fool plunge with you, and then 
you do the growling. We’re the ones — ” I 
was silenced by a deluge of cold water. Then 
Chatty and I had it out. Up and down the 
stream we raced like wild things, splashing 
and upsetting each other in the water 
till we both were hot and breathless. Then 
I sat down on a sunny stone, while Chatty 
clambered up a steep, slippery rock above 
me. 

“This sloping rock is a dandy shoot-the- 
shoots, Ted. What are you looking at?” 
she asked from above. 

“I’m looking at my feet,” I answered. 
“They look beautiful, with this clear water 
running over them — just like marble. ” 


22 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“Well, forget your feet, and look out for 
your head ; I’m coming down to give you a 
ducking!” and she slid down the rock, catch- 
ing me round the neck. Just as she went to 
duck me under, there was a crash in the 
bushes, close by. We held our breath — and 
waited. A big splash, and then we saw an 
ugly old black-faced buck sheep, with crooked 
horns, land in our pool, not ten yards away. 

“Oh!” I heard Bonnie gasp, as I made a 
dash for the bank. 

“Skidoo,” yelled Chatty. “He’s coming, 
Ted!” 

I turned, and saw the old buck, with a baa 
like thunder, charging straight for us. I fled. 

Through the bushes I broke my way. Up 
to the top of the hill I panted; then, pell mell, 
down the other side I raced, till I reached 
the old stone wall, where I tripped and fell. 
I heard a puffing breath behind me. The 
buck! For one long moment I closed my 
eyes, and gave up the ghost, till I realized 
that it was Chatty that landed, all in a heap 


BACHELOR GIRLS 


23 


beside me. We looked back. Poor Bonnie! 
I guess she never ran before — and she only 
attempted a run now; she came down the 
hill in little jumps, landing her hundred and 
sixty pounds on poor me at the bottom. 

From over the stone wall came a shout in a 
familiar, though unexpected voice — “Hello! 
What’s going on?” 

Painfully I dragged myself up on one 
bruised elbow, and beheld Bob — spick and 
span in a new outing suit — hurrying across the 
lot to the wall where we three sat huddled in a 
wet, disconsolate heap. (Bob is Bonnie’s 
cousin, and the best-natured fellow that ever 
grew a crop of wavy auburn hair.) 

“What the mischief are you girls up to?” 
he asked, as he approached. 

Chatty poked her frowsy head over the 
wall. 

“Hello, Chatty; you here too? How are 
you? ” said he, trying not to laugh. 

“Fine as a drowned rat!” said Chatty. 
“How’s yourself?” 


24 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“Bob, 'please don’t look over the wall,” 
I begged. “Go and catch the old buck that 
chased us out of the swimming-hole; he’s 
back in the woods somewhere. ” 

Bob chuckled. “Can’t I come over to 
shake hands with you?” he asked boldly. 
“No! You can not l” I cried. 

“A nice way to treat a fellow who’s come 
thirty miles to see you! Well, if you don’t 
want me, I’ll go after the buck,” and he 
turned up the hill. Half-way up the path he 
turned. “Suppose the frisky beast chases 
me?” said he. We didn’t dare to move, 
thinking the buck might come after us again. 
It seemed ages before Bob, striding down the 
hill, called out “All’s well! I’ve got the old 
fellow in the wood lot, where he can’t get 
out. ” Beyond our sheltering wall he stopped, 
politely turning his back on us. His shoulders 
were shaking, but he managed to keep most 
of the laugh out of his voice. “Reckon I’d 
better give you girls a tip,” he said. “The 
Professor and Handsome came with me this 


BACHELOR GIRLS 


25 


afternoon. They’re down at the house, 
waiting for you. What shall I tell them?” 

Chatty took command. “Tell them” she 
said solemnly, “that we are dressing, and will 
see them soon. ” 

“And, 0 Bob! if you love me, keep them 
on the other side of the house till we get in, ” 
wailed Bonnie. 

He turned toward the house. “BOB!” 
called Chatty. 

“Yes?” 

“How long are you all going to stay?” 

“Oh, a couple of weeks, I guess.” 

“Goody!” and Chatty poked me delight- 
edly. “Ted, I’ve decided to stay my time 
out,” she added innocently. “We are having 
such a good time!” 

“Little sinner!” said I, dragging my weary 
bones over the wall. 

With Bob safely out of sight, we three 
hobbled up the hill to get our clothes. “Talk 
about folks liking to go barefoot! I should 
think they’d need leather feet,” said Chatty, 


26 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


as she stumbled along. “I’ll never go bathing 
in a brook again,” she howled, pulling a big 
brier out of her heel. 

We threw on our clothes, any old way. 
When we hurried through the barn-yard, 
Uncle Billy, smiling broadly, hailed us from 
the shed door. “So old Buck-me-tuck gave 
you women a chase, did he? I was standin’ 
here by the pasture bar, and I swan to good- 
ness! I never see such runnin’ and jumpin’ 
since Brother Dan yoked himself to a young 
steer, trying to break the steer in. ” 

“Old heathen!” muttered Chatty. “Might 
better have helped us, ’stead of laughing at 
us!” 

When we reached the house we made for 
the back hall door, thinking no one would see 
us. But they saw us; and the Professor, tall 
and dignified and immaculate, walked down 
the hall to greet us — and Handsome, too — 
smiling, and handsomer than ever. (Hand- 
some is tall and good-looking, with curly 
black hair. We call him Handsome just 


BACHELOR GIRLS 


27 


among ourselves. Why not give people 
appropriate names, anyway?) 

Just as the Professor and Handsome were 
shaking hands with us, Bob sauntered in, 
looking awfully surprised to see us. Dear 
innocent fellow! He ought to have been 
named Lamb\ 














t 



















II 

FISHING AND HAYING 

The next morning Handsome and Bob were 
sitting on the porch steps with Bonnie and me 
when Chatty came round the corner of the 
house and announced that she and the Pro- 
fessor were going fishing. 

“Come along, lazy bones!” she said, giving 
each of us a poke in the ribs with her fish-pole. 

“Go ’way! You’ll make a mark on my 
clean waist,” I cried. 

“Oh, well you know I don’t like to see you 
look too awfully nice, honey,” said she, 
stooping down to rumple my hair. Nothing 
maddens me so much as to have my hair 
mussed, and Chatty knows it! 

“How fierce you look, Ted!” she teased, 
patting me on the cheek. 

“Better look out, Chatty,” warned Bob, 

29 


30 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“or she’ll do to you what she did to me once, 
when I mussed up her hair. ” 

“What did she do?” 

“Bit me on the right cheek,” said Bob. 

“I notice you don’t tell what you did,” I 
retorted. 

“Bit you on the left cheek,” said Bob 
innocently. 

“You did not!” 

“Well — if I didn’t — let me do it now!” 

I moved away. “He,” said I scornfully, 
pointing at Bob, “he pulled my hair, when I 
was a child, and it was not ‘just for fun,’ 
either; it was a real yanky, spunky pull!” 

“Tell ’em why, Ted.” 

“Just because I pinched him.” 

“Tell ’em where, Ted.” 

“Bob!” 

“It was here, boys,” said Bob, tapping the 
calf of his leg. “The mark is still here, where 
she pinched me — just because I accidentally 
pushed her into a brook!” 

“By all accounts, you two were always 


FISHING AND HAYING 


31 


quarreling and fighting, when you were 
youngsters,” laughed Handsome. “It’s a 
wonder you’re not married to each other.” 

“So say I!” chuckled Bob, as he joggled my 
arm. 

“I’m going fishing,” said I, and walked 
away. 

After digging worms for bait, and rigging 
up all the old fishing-tackle about the place, 
we started for the brook, taking a Dutch- 
cut across the fields, and walking along by 
twos. 

Bonnie and Handsome took the lead. I 
love to see those two together. Bonnie 
carries herself with the slow, easy grace that 
many large women have, and she has the 
bonniest, good-natured face, with big mild 
eyes, and a beautiful dimple in one cheek 
when she laughs. Handsome is so magnif- 
icently big and handsome that it is a pleasure 
to look at him. 

I turned my eyes in Chatty’s direction, 
and I smiled. Chatty and the Professor look 


32 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


awfully funny together! He takes long even 
steps, and she takes the bobbiest little ones. 
Chatty is small, dark, sparkling. The Pro- 
fessor measures over six feet, and is quiet 
and dignified. 

Bob and I walked in the rear. Bob is two 
inches shorter than I, and a great deal broader 
so of course we don’t look so very nice to- 
gether — but we don’t care. We’re old pals; 
I like Bob’s company, and he likes mine. 

Bob walked along carelessly, hands in his 
pockets, singing “Dearie.” 

“Is the ‘Dearie’ for me, Bob?” called 
Chatty, giving him a coquettish glance over 
her shoulder. 

Bob kept on singing. 

“Singing that to me, Bob?” she repeated. 

“You make me tired, Chatty,” said I. 
“You seem to think all love songs are aimed 
at yourself. ” 

Chatty laughed — a little tickled laugh — 
“Why, they generally are, Ted,” she said, 
and began to hum “Dearie.” 


FISHING AND HAYING 


33 


We had reached the deep round pool below 
the waterfall — the pool in which Bob had 
caught ninety-one trout in one day, so he 
said. The first thing I did was to ram my 
fish-pole against a stone and break the end 
clean off. 

“Some fine eels in this brook, boys,” said 
Bob to Handsome and the Professor. “We’ll 
have to go eeling some night.” 

“I wouldn’t eat the horrid things,” said 
Chatty. “They look like snakes, and are all 
drippy like bull-frogs. Think of eating bull- 
frogs!” she shuddered, as a big one slipped 
into the water with a loud ker -chug. 

“Chatty, you talk too much!” said Bob, 
good-naturedly. 

“Want to know the reason?” she asked. 

“Didn’t know there was a reason,” laughed 
Bob. “Just thought you were born with the 
gift o’ gab. ” 

“Well, I wasn’t,” retorted Chatty. “I 
was born tongue-tied, and if the Doctor hadn’t 
cut a little cord under my tongue, when I was 


34 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


a baby, I could never have talked straight — 
and to show my appreciation I’ve talked ever 
since, and when I’m home I go down once a 
week to pay the good Doctor a call of thank- 
fulness. ” 

“By George! If you ever marry, I’ll guar- 
antee your husband won’t go down and thank 
him!” laughed Bob. 

Just then Bonnie got a nibble, and looking 
down I discovered a small turtle eating the 
last of her bait. That was enough of fishing 
for Bonnie. 

Chatty had an awful time. First she got 
her line all tangled in the bushes. Then she 
hooked her dress instead of a fish, and finally 
she lost her garter. “My garter!” she cried 
frantically. Sure enough! there was Chatty’s 
black garter, sailing gaily down stream. The 
Professor made an unsuccessful grab for it, 
without stopping to think. (If he had realized 
he was fishing for a girl’s garter, I’m sure he 
would have let it sail away). He made 
another dive with one long arm, and caught 


FISHING AND HAYING 


35 


Chatty’s treasure, nearly taking a header 
into the stream. As it was, he got his sleeve 
soaking wet. He brought the garter to Chatty 
and then, I guess, he happened to think what 
it was, for he looked very modest, and politely 
turned his back, and went on fishing. 

Bob stood on a rock, nearby, watching the 
Professor’s odd catch. He opened his mouth 
to say something, when — swish — he slipped 
off into a little foaming pool, up to his knees. 

“Feel nice and cool, Bob?” I asked 
pleasantly. 

“You come here,” he growled, “and I’ll 
show you how it feels!” 

"We fished and fished for two whole hours, 
but not one fish did we get. We girls were 
thoroughly disgusted with the morning’s 
work, as we tramped back across the fields, 
tired and hot and hungry, with nothing to 
carry home but the old fishing-tackle. 

“You’d had to throw them back, anyway,” 
consoled Bob, “’cause the law is on.” 

“Well, I guess I wouldn’t have thrown mine 


36 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


back,” said Chatty. “If I ever have the 
luck to catch a fish, I’ll eat him, law on or off! 
Anyway, if there were no fish to catch, 
there’s lots of hay. We’ll go haying this 
afternoon,” and she nodded toward the 
meadow, where we could hear the click of a 
mowing machine. 

As we reached the house I saw Bob sneak 
around the back way, and into the kitchen. 
After a few minutes I sauntered that way too, 
to see what he was up to. He was standing 
by the stove, frying something that smelled 
good. 

“What are you cooking?” I asked. 

“Something!” he answered mysteriously. 
Then he added solemnly, “And don’t let 
me hear a yip out of you, Ted, until after 
dinner!” 

I shrugged my shoulders, and walked 
out-of-doors to join the girls. Whatever it 
was that Bob had cooked, it tasted delicious. 
Chatty ate a little more than her share of it — 
and looked longingly at the empty platter 


FISHING AND HAYING 


37 


when there was no more. Bob, watching her, 
chuckled delightedly. 

“What’s the matter?” asked Chatty, as 
she looked suspiciously at him. 

“Nothing,” he answered, “only I’m pleased 
that you appreciate the legs of the bull-frogs 
I caught in the spring this morning. ” 

“They were not frogs’ legs!” cried Chatty 
indignantly. 

“Yes, they were!” said Bob, tantalizingly. 
“I caught ’em, and I cooked ’em.” 

“I’d like to cook you\” blazed Chatty, and 
she jumped up from the table, “and I’d like 
to put snails in your soup, and hold pepper 
under your rascally nose till you sneezed 
your head off!” — and then she sailed out of 
the room. 

When Uncle Billy drove out of the barn- 
yard with the empty hay-ricking after dinner, 
we girls hailed him for a ride — that is, Chatty 
and I did; Bonnie never hails anybody. 

“You women beat all,” said Uncle Billy, 
as we scrambled into the wagon and asked 


38 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


him to let us take turns driving the oxen to 
the hay field. Uncle Billy has the distinction 
of being the only farmer in the country who 
owns a yoke of oxen. He calls them “Buck” 
and “Berry.” 

“I never see such women as you,” said he, 
as he stood back and watched us drive. All 
the women of your age that I know, is settled 
down, and takin’ care of their young uns — 
and here you three gallop ’round the country, 
for all the world like young colts kickin’ up 
their heels in a clover field. ” 

“That’s the way we feel just now, Uncle 
Billy,” said I. “This is our vacation time. 
We work all the rest of the year. Chatty and 
Bonnie are shut up in school-rooms, teaching 
— and I have my work. We need to stretch 
our muscles. And then, you know, we are 
bachelor girls, and we don’t have to settle 
down. ” 

“What’s a bachelor girl?” inquired Uncle 
Billy. 

“A bachelor girl, Uncle Billy, is an indepen- 


FISHING AND HAYING 


39 


dent unmarried woman, who is capable of 
taking care of herself,” I answered. “She 
doesn’t accept the first wrong man that comes 
along, and she doesn’t sit moping, waiting 
for the right one to come poking along, either! 
No, the modern unmarried woman has too 
many things to interest her, for that. And if 
she is poor, she doesn’t depend upon her good 
old Dad for clothes and spending-money; she 
sallies forth to paddle her own canoe! That’s 
what a real bachelor girl is, Uncle Billy.” 

“You don’t say!” was his comment. 

“Yes, Uncle Billy, that’s all so. And we 
have some pretty good times, in the bargain. 
When vacation time comes, we are free to go 
where we please and how we please, and to 
have a good time generally. We wouldn’t 
be taking a ride to the hay field like this, and 
having the fun we are having, if we were 
married. It would be ‘Katherine’s hair needs 
curling, Bobby’s dirty hands must be washed, 
Baby Boy must have his bath’ — and a 
thousand and one other things — ” 


40 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


Chatty interrupted — “Whoopee! Here’s 
our jumping off place. All hands to 
work!” 

Bonnie and Chatty cocked hay, while I 
pitched it on the wagon — pitched it on, 
when it didn’t come tumbling back over me. 
The hired man strolled over to a tall oak tree 
— the only shady spot in the meadow — and 
threw himself down on the grass. He said he 
guessed he'd take a rest, and give us a chance 
to learn the whole trade. I didn’t look to see 
how Bonnie and Chatty were getting along; 
I was too busy. I worked so hard that I 
soon had a kink in my back, and I wished the 
load would go on faster. Finally I heard 
Chatty say, “Oh, fudge! It’s all rot about 
Maud Muller raking hay on a summer day. 
’Tisn’t a bit romantic to have hayseed down 
your back, and your hands all blistered, and 
your face all burned, and your clothes sticking 
fast to your skin. I guess she wouldn’t 
feel very loving with the Judge, or anybody 
else, if she felt the way I do! Here, Uncle 


FISHING AND HAYING 


41 


Billy, take your old fork! I don’t want any 
more haying. ” 

“Ho, shucks! You’re no farmer,” scoffed 
Uncle Billy. 

I turned around, and leaned on the handle 
of my pitchfork to rest my back. There was 
Bonnie — resting her back against a hay cock, 
and looking very comfortable. “Here, Bon- 
nie, get up and help me load this hay!” I 
ordered, trying to drag her to her feet. She 
held back like a balky horse, and settled down 
as comfortably as ever. 

“I don’t feel equal to it, Ted; really, I 
don’t. When Chatty suggested haying, and I 
said 'Yes,’ I didn’t expect to workl Please 
let me alone. I was nearly asleep when you 
shook me. ” 

The hired man came over and took a hand 
at loading. Evidently he did not approve of 
our haying methods. I was tired and thirsty, 
so I ran out to the road, where a stream of 
water gushed out of a pipe into a horse trough, 
and got a drink, and when I got back to the 


42 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


wagon the hired man was pitching on the 
last forkful of hay. He and Uncle Billy gave 
us a lift up on the load, and I climbed over in 
front. Uncle Billy said I could drive, ’cause 
I was the most capable one. Chatty said I 
had conceited smirks all over my face, I was 
so tickled with my job. 

The oxen slowly plodded along, and I 
shouted “Whoa! Haw there, Berry. Get a 
move on, Buck! Gee!” Everything went 
splendidly till we reached the narrow brook 
at the edge of the meadow; then the hay- 
rick swayed over sideways. I remember 
perching high and dry one minute; the 
next, I was smothered, drowned and buried 
all at once. Then someone took hold and 
pulled me out. Presently I saw daylight, 
and then my feet flew out into space. As 
I sat on the grass, half dazed, I saw Uncle 
Billy drag Chatty out by the shoulders. 
Bonnie was still under the hay, and squeal- 
ing. It took both Uncle Billy and the hired 
man to pull her out; and when they did, the 


FISHING AND HAYING 


43 


hired man, who seemed a bit excited, set her 
down in the brook. 

The oxen stood quiet. The wagon stood 
lopsided, minus three-quarters of its load. 
Uncle Billy and the man stood looking at the 
mess, and we girls sat staring stupidly at each 
other till Chatty got her breath. 

“It's all your fault, Ted!” she cried 
indignantly. “You don’t know any more 
than a baby about driving oxen. ” 

“That’s right — it was Ted’s driving that 
caused the spill,” agreed Bonnie, and then 
we three burst into a fit of hysterical laugh- 
ter. Uncle Billy turned around and looked 
at us. 

“Well — by — cracky ! ” he ejaculated. “ The 
spirits of you women is harder to dampen 
than feathers on a goose’s back!” Then he 
added, rather spitefully, “I guess you’d better 
go to the house now, before you do any more 
damage ’round the place.” We got up to go, 
mentally resolving we’d never go haying 
again. As we turned away I heard the hired 


44 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


man say to Uncle Billy, “Goldarn’eml Upset 
a whole load of hay, and don’t care a cussl” 
We took the short cut cross the fields and 
through the apple orchard. We didn’t feel 
very gay after our spill; and our consciences 
hurt us a little when we thought of Uncle 
Billy and the hired man having to pitch all 
that hay on again. The man had said we 
didn’t care a cuss, but we did\ 


Ill 

RAMBLING 

Bob, Handsome and the Professor started 
out after breakfast, next day, to hunt up an 
old iron mine in the mountains. Bonnie lay 
in the barrel-stave hammock, reading a novel, 
and Chatty had disappeared. A good chance 
for me to take a ramble, all by myself in the 
woods, I thought. It was warm that morning, 
and I thought how comfortable I’d be if I 
could shed my thick skirt. I slipped it off, 
to see the effect. My bloomers looked a 
trifle scant and masculine, — but then, no one 
would see me, so I didn’t care. I hurried out 
to the barn-yard, and was scrambling over 
the bars when Uncle Billy came striding along. 

“Where you going?” he asked, stopping to 
look me over. 

“Oh, I’m off for the woods. I’m a tomboy, 

45 


46 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


a savage, and a hatless, skirtless bachelor 
girl! Don’t I look as happy and comfortable 
as a real man?” 

“Well, I swan!” he ejaculated, as he gazed 
at my natty bloomers, and I, feeling some- 
what abashed, turned and walked away. 

I didn’t feel in the mood for walking in 
beaten paths that morning, and as soon as I 
struck a little trail at the edge of the woods I 
turned off into a tangle of wildwood and 
prepared for a rough and tumble scramble. 
Breaking my way through the brush I was 
startled by a sudden whirr of wings, and a 
quail, perched on a branch overhead, whistled 
a loud, breezy “quoit,” and from the distance 
came the answer — a ringing “Bob White!” 

“A good place for the little wood folk,” 
thought I, as a woodpecker hammered on a 
tree close by, and I almost stepped on a 
Molly Cottontail that darted in front of me 
and into the thicket. 

As I pushed through a tangle of vines I 
almost fell into the brook — a chattering little 


RAMBLING 


47 


brook, bubbling all around a big gray rock 
which was covered with the most velvety 
moss. With one bound I landed in the middle 
of the rock. 

There is as much difference in brooks as 
there is in people. This brook was the nicest 
kind. Its waters were clear and pure;, its 
bed shone with clean, smooth pebbles; and it 
babbled a pretty song as it went on its way. 
It was a delightful spot, that big mossy rock 
in the middle of the brook, and I revelled in 
it there — all alone. I thought about Robinson 
Crusoe. He must have enjoyed his solitude 
sometimes! Of course, there was a vast 
difference between his solitude on an unknown 
island ’way out in the wide ocean, and mine 
on a rock in the middle of a mountain brook, 
where I could give a jump, land on shore, 
and go home, when I got hungry, to a good 
dinner. It was to be chicken fricassee that 
day, I knew, for I had seen Aunt Molly 
beheading two chickens that morning — and 
country people always fricassee spring chick- 


48 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


ens, leaving the old roosters and hens for 
pot-pies. 

Presently I heard a great chattering. Rais- 
ing myself on one elbow I gazed about, and 
spied a bright-eyed little chipmunk perched 
on a mossy old tree-stump, staring at me as if 
he were quite interested in the new specimen 
of animal visiting his forest home. I sat up 
and stared back at him, but he never blinked, 
and he continued to chatter in the most 
friendly manner. Crusoe talked to his parrot; 
seeing the chipmunk was socially inclined, I 
decided to talk to him. 

“Chippy, you have ears to hear with, and I 
feel like talking. I haven’t had a real chance 
to talk since I came to the country; Chatty 
does it all!” 

He sat up on his haunches, turned his head 
to one side, and eyed me critically, then 
patronizingly chirped “Go ahead!” 

“Chatty is a darling, Chippy, and she 
reminds me somewhat of you! She has the 
same saucy way of turning her head on one 


RAMBLING 


49 


side, and looking up at people with her bright 
eyes, only she chatters even more than you! 
She would never listen so long without saying 
something. But talking isn’t Chatty’s worst 
fault. No, indeed! Chatty’s besetting sin is 
flirting. She flirts with every nice man who 
comes her way. Just now it is the Professor, 
and he adores her. She went driving with 
him last night, and he looked awfully unhappy 
when he came home. I shouldn’t wonder if 
he had proposed and Chatty had refused him. 
I don’t like to have Chatty flirt with a nice, 
good man like the Professor, and fool him. 
Chatty flirts with Bob, too, sometimes; but 
if she carries it too far with Bob there will be 
war between Chatty and me. Yes, there will, 
Chip! Chatty is an orphan, and younger 
than I, and I feel sort of responsible for her 
actions. Besides, I am President of the 
Bachelor Girl’s Club, and it is against our 
rules for the members to flirt, but when I say 
anything to Chatty she just puts her arms 
around me and says ‘Now, shut up, old 


50 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


Honey Bunch! It’s nothing serious at all; 
I’m just having a little fun. ’ 

“Now Bonnie is quite different. She never 
bothers her head with the opposite sex. 
Indeed, Bonnie wouldn’t take the trouble to 
carry on a flirtation! Bonnie is my other 
chum, Chippy, and the sweetest girl imagin- 
able. I love Bonnie because she’s so nice to 
look at, and so restful and lazy. Just as 
lazy and peaceful as a cow chewing its cud. 
Bonnie always reminds me of a beautiful 
Jersey cow. Wonder what she’d say if I 
told her that? 

“You understand, Chippy, we are bachelor 
girls, we three; and bachelor girls always have 
ambitions. There’s no use in a married 
woman having ambitions, because if she has 
her husband just gives a large wave of his 
hand, and says ‘Never mind — you needn’t 
bother your head about it, dear, I’ll attend to 
all that!’ 

“Now bachelor girls can do all the fool 
things they want to, and no man dare say 


RAMBLING 


51 


they dasn’t. We expect to do lots and lots of 
nice things in our lives, we three, Chippy. 
We have ambitions galore, — and after we’ve 
accomplished all the work we want to do we 
shall retire, and settle down, and build a little 
bungalow on a hill in the mountains. We 
have even chosen a name for our house, 
Chippy, but that is a secret. Don’t sit there 
chipping and making fun of me like that! 
This is no air-castle I’m telling you about, 
sir! Why, we have the plans all drawn for 
our bungalow, and it’s going to be a beauty, 
with a dormer roof, and overhanging eaves, 
and a rustic porch along the front. We’re 
going to have the little house stained just the 
color of the trunk of that old elm tree yonder, 
so it will look as if it grew in the woods, be- 
cause our back yard will be right in the woods. 
And you can come and play in our back yard, 
Chippy. 

“Inside, our bungalow is going to be the 
most comfortable place imaginable, especially 
our living-room, which will be light and roomy 


52 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


and full of places to rest. We’ll have a divan, 
a big wide one, piled with sofa pillows — not 
hard square things, beautifully embroidered, 
that sit up straight and dare you to lay your 
head on ’em. No, none of that kind for me! 
Stiff, forbidding things! I don’t want to use 
’em, or even look at ’em! Scattered about 
the room, here and there, will be nice sleepy 
chairs, and rocking chairs, too — I don’t care 
if they are bad for the nerves! It’s bliss to 
cuddle up in a big rocking chair, with a book 
and a lapful of apples. We’ll have a long 
bookcase built in, and filled with the books we 
like, and none that we don’t like. I tell you 
Chippy, our little house — ” 

Just then another chipmunk came running 
down from a nearby tree, and dashing up to 
Chippy commenced chattering in the most 
saucy manner. Evidently Chippy’s frau. 
She was terribly excited, and it sounded as 
though she were giving him a good calling 
down for neglecting her so long. It must 
have been that, for my Chippy gave one 


RAMBLING 


53 


brief chip at me, then turned and ran after 
her as fast as he could scamper, up the chest- 
nut tree — and that was the last I saw of him. 

Having no other creature to talk to, I 
stretched myself out on the moss, keeping 
my eyes closed, but feeling deliciously aware 
of the sunlight falling through the branches 
overhead, the soft breeze blowing across my 
face, and the clear note of a woodthrush 
nearby. Gradually the present seemed to 
fade away, and I lay in the midst of downy 
pillows, with dream flowers waving all about 
me, and birds carolling everywhere. 

From my enchantment I was rudely wak- 
ened. There was a crash above me, and 
I opened my eyes on two big feet, poked 
through the vines, within a foot of my head. 

“Don’t be frightened. It’s only I,” said a 
voice. “I slipped and fell on your rock. 
Awfully sorry to scare you, Ted!” 

“Go away, before I push you into the 
brook!” I cried, springing to my feet. “I 
was having dreams, and her eyou come thunder- 


54 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


ing down over my head, ’most knocking my 
brains out with your big hoofs!” 

“Mad as a hornet,” said Bob. Then he 
looked at my bloomers, and gave a long 
whistle. 

I didn’t answer, but stamped my foot and 
walked away with as much dignity as I could 
muster. The next minute I caught my hair 
on some low branches. Bob leaned over and 
released me, then patted me on the head as if 
I were a poodle. “Deucedly sorry to frighten 
you, Ted,” said he. “I was taking a short 
cut through the woods when I caught sight 
of you through the vines; I was about to 
speak, when my foot slipped and I rolled 
over on your rock. ” 

I marched on without answering. Presently 
I heard Bob chuckle. 

“Say, Ted, you walk like an Indian. You 
toe in. Did you know it? ” 

I swung around, and found him grinning 
his most tormenting grin. “You walk in 
front of me!” I ordered, as I stepped back 


RAMBLING 


55 


of him, “and don’t you dare to turn your 
head once.” I didn’t speak to him again 
until we reached the barn-yard bars. Chatty 
was walking hurriedly across the fields, and 
we stopped to wait for her. 

“Uncle Billy is mad at me, Ted, and it’s 
your fault for running off and leaving me!” 
she panted. “I couldn’t find anyone to talk 
to, so I set out to explore the farm, and when 
I found the pear and peach orchard up 
yonder, of course I went in, and helped 
myself to some fruit. I was just setting my 
teeth in the most juicy, luscious pear I ever 
saw, when Uncle Billy came along. 

“‘Hi, young woman, drop it!’ he shouted, 
and then he walked around under the trees, 
peering up into the branches. ‘Guess you 
got all the fruit there was — didn’t you?, he 
sputtered. ‘This is the first year these trees 
have borne, and I wanted to try the dif- 
ferent brands.’ 

“‘Oh, if that is all, Uncle Billy, I can tell 
you just what they look like, and how they 


56 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


taste/ said I. ‘From this tree I got the most 
beautiful yellow pear with red cheeks — it 
just melted in my mouth — 

Bob had been emitting a series of chuckles, 
and now he exploded in a whoop. 

“And what’s the matter with you?” de- 
manded Chatty, but Bob only shook his 
head and walked away, and when he joined 
Uncle Billy by the woodshed Chatty and I 
heard them laughing uproariously together. 

“Men are such fools!” said Chatty, as she 
swung over the bars. 


IV 

CHATTY AND THE PROFESSOR 

The Professor is naturally good-natured, 
but of course he doesn’t like to be made a 
fool of, — and sometimes Chatty does go too 
far. 

It was the night that Uncle Billy came 
home late from market, after dark. When we 
heard the farm wagon drive up the lane 
Chatty lighted the lantern and took it out to 
the barn. She loves horses, and she helps 
unhitch them whenever she gets a chance. 
After the horses were fed and stalled, to her 
satisfaction, she and Uncle Billy started for 
the house. When they passed the wagon 
house they heard a faint whining, which 
proceeded from the big market wagon. 

“I bet that’s one of the pups,” said Uncle 

Billy, and he commenced to whistle. 

57 


58 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“I’ll find him — give me the lantern,” 
said Chatty, climbing over the dash-board 
into the wagon. “It’s in this market-basket. 
Take it, Uncle Billy, while I jump down. It’s 
covered with a white knitted shawl — how 
funny!” She pulled the shawl off — “Merciful 
father! Look here!” And Uncle Billy, 
stooping over, looked down upon the face of a 
baby, with big blue eyes, blinking hard at the 
lantern light. 

“Well, I’ll eat my hat, if Mrs. Stone didn’t 
forget her babe!” ejaculated Uncle Billy as 
he took the soft bundle out of the basket and 
held it tenderly. “I met the poor woman in 
the City. She had the babe on one arm, and a 
stack of bundles on the other, an’ she was 
hustlin’ to catch the train. I told her to 
jump in and ride up home with me. She 
laid the babe in the basket so as to rest her 
arms, and I guess she was that tuckered out 
that she forgot all about the babe when we 
stopped at her house. ” 

The rest of us were sitting by the dining- 


CHATTY AND THE PROFESSOR 59 


room table and I was reading palms, and 
telling the Professor he’d surely marry before 
he was fifty, when Chatty came running into 
the room with the baby hugged tight in her 
arms. 

“See what I found!” she cried. “Oh, you 
rosy, pinky little thing!” she bubbled, as she 
caressed the baby’s soft face with the tips of 
her fingers. “The poor little kiddo is hungry !” 
she added, as the baby began to suck its 
tiny fist. “ Here, Professor, take it a minute, 
while I get it something to eat.” 

The dazed Professor looked after Chatty’s 
disappearing form in blank amazement; then 
he gazed soberly and awe-fully down at the 
tiny creature which he held awkwardly on one 
arm, and seated himself gingerly on the 
straightest chair in the room. The new-found 
baby sucked its little dimpled fist, slobbered 
a bit on the Professor’s clean shirt, curled up 
its toes, and wriggled inside its -long white 
dress, — and coo’d and goo’d softly up at him 
in its baby language. But the Professor only 


60 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


wrinkled his forehead and looked most solemn, 
at every move it made. Then the baby, 
realizing that it was getting no coaxing, no 
tossing, and no wooing talk in return for its 
cunning maneuvers, puckered up its face and 
gave a wailing “Waal” and its wee arms and 
legs shot out so vigorously that the Professor 
almost dropped it, 

“ You know what to do with it, Miss Ted. 
Take it!” said the perspiring Professor as he 
walked over to me and held out the baby. 
But I shook my head, and turned my back, 
and got behind the door and stuffed my 
handkerchief into my mouth. 

Just then Chatty came running in, with a 
bowl of milk. “Mercy, Professor,” she 
scolded, “you’re holding that baby upside- 
down. You don’t ever deserve to be a 
father!” She caught the baby away from 
the Professor just as his scholarly eye-glasses 
tumbled off, and the baby, with its fist 
fastened in his correct necktie, nearly pulled 
that off too. 


CHATTY AND THE PROFESSOR 61 


The poor Professor disappeared out-of- 
doors. Chatty made a dash at me. “You 
Ted, ought to ashamed to let him hold a baby 
like that. You are just — ” But by that time 
I had gone too. 

When I came in, Chatty had put the baby 
to bed on the big couch. Half an hour later a 
frightened-looking woman came running into 
the sitting room, made a dive for the couch, 
and caught the baby up in her arms. 

“Now you’ve waked that baby, after I 
took such pains to put it to sleep!” scolded 
Chatty. 

“Maybe you would too, if you had lost 
your baby, ” retorted the woman. 

“Lose a babyl That’s the last thing in 
the world I'd lose, I reckon, ” snapped Chatty. 
The woman gazed at her wonderingly, then 
retreated to the kitchen with the baby, to 
talk over her experience with Aunt Molly. 

The Professor had very little to say to 
Chatty next day, and when we started out 
for a walk, late in the afternoon, and Chatty 


62 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


asked him to go along, he replied stiffly that 
Uncle Billy had invited him to drive to the 
village. Chatty, with the most daredevil 
expression shining in her eyes, turned to the 
rest of us — “ Let us walk down to the village. ” 
At our consent she ran into the house, appear- 
ing a moment later, stuffing something into 
her blouse. 

When we were halfway down to the big 
white iron bridge, where the brook joins the 
river, Chatty stopped by Spook Spring and 
told us to go on — she would catch up with us 
later, she said. Somewhat mystified, we did 
as she bade us, stopping every little way, and 
then walking on again slowly. We had almost 
reached the other side of the bridge when we 
heard an awful racket behind us, and we 
turned ’round, to see a drove of black and 
white Holstein cows tearing down the road. 
They were bellowing madly; their tails flew 
over their backs, and their hoofs made a 
deafening noise as they galloped over the 
bridge, raising the dust in clouds. The first 


CHATTY AND THE PROFESSOR 63 


cow — the wildest looking of them all — wore 
on her neck a bell which dingle-dangled like 
fury, while she made great plunges with her 
head down and her tail up. We had only a 
second to get off the bridge to the river-bank 
before the whole drove thundered past us 
and down the road. 

Then we heard a shout, and before we 
could think what the matter was, we saw a 
horse and buggy speed like a whirlwind down 
the opposite bank of the river and splash 
smack! into the water. Up and down the 
horse reared and plunged, churning the water 
into such a foam that we soon lost sight of the 
occupants of the buggy, but above all the 
splashing we heard Uncle Billy’s voice a- 
shouting — “Whoa, you damned old reprobate, 
whoa! I’ll whale thunder out of you, you 
Satan horse!” 

The next minute the waters looked like 
Niagara’s whirlpool rapids. The buggy disap- 
peared, and Uncle Billy’s voice was suddenly 
hushed, but soon there was a great snorting 


64 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


and plunging, and the horse came tearing up 
the bank, dragging the buggy upside-down. 
Bob caught the bridle, and brought the 
“ Satan horse” to a standstill, while Hand- 
some looked into the buggy to see if the 
occupants had survived. Uncle Billy and the 
Professor had survived, all right, but they 
crawled out on the other side of the river, 
and I guess Uncle Billy swallowed a gallon of 
water, the way he gurgled when he arose from 
his dip. “Where’s that dadgasted horse of 
mine?” he shouted, as he made a grab for the 
carriage-blanket, floating nearby. The Pro- 
fessor hadn’t uttered a sound since he struck 
the water. Now he scrambled up to the 
bridge, looking half drowned. 

Together the men examined the buggy and 
harness. Of course everything was sopping 
wet, but the breaching-strap was the only 
thing broken. Uncle Billy led the horse 
home, and the Professor walked silently at 
his side. 

Chatty joined us, looking quite uncon- 


CHATTY AND THE PROFESSOR 65 


cerned. “Dear me/’ she whispered to me, 
as she walked behind the Professor, eyeing 
him critically, “he looks like any other 
ordinary man, with his eye-glasses off and his 
hair all wet, doesn’t he?” 

I nudged her to keep still. “Was it the 
cows that frightened your horse, Uncle Billy?” 
I asked. 

“Why, yes — I guess so,” said Uncle Billy 
doubtfully. “A young cow always acts like 
old Satan, first time she gets a bell tied on her 
neck. But before the cows came along, 
something mighty queer happened up the 
road. The horse was going along on a nice 
little jog, when all of a sudden a lot of water 
came right down on his head, and set him 
a-rearin. Then along comes that drove 
o’ cattle, lickety-split, and that set the horse 
clean crazy. He danced along sideways till 
we got to the river, then off the bank he goes, 
kersplash in the water.” He scratched his 
head in perplexity. “I’d like to know where 
that water fell from! It was somewhere 


66 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


along here, by Spook Spring. I believe it 
was some kind of a sign!” 

“Yes,” I thought, “a sign of Chatty’s 
pranks!” 

The night after the ducking I started out 
alone for a walk. Bonnie and Handsome had 
just disappeared down the lane together. 
The Professor sat by the dining-room table 
reading. Bob and Chatty I could not find un- 
til I reached the apple orchard. Then I 
heard them! It was Chatty speaking. “No, 
Ted isn’t the type of girl to marry. She’s so 
provokingly independent. But I know her 
soft spot, Bob,” and she whispered something 
in his ear — yes, whispered — I could see her 
mouth close to his head, and then she giggled 
until I wanted to choke her. I turned away — 
Oh! but my face and ears were burning! I 
was “just hopping.” What business had 
Chatty to discuss me with Bob, and say that I 
“wasn’t the type of girl to marry?” Of 
course I wasn’t! But she had no business to 
say so to Bob. And he was chuckling as if 


CHATTY AND THE PROFESSOR 67 


something struck him very funny. I ran 
down the path as noiselessly as I could, and 
when I had almost reached the house I 
butted right into the Professor, who was 
walking in the opposite direction. 

“You’re all out of breath,” he said." 
What’s the matter?” 

“Oh, nothing,” I answered as calmly as I 
could, “only I heard Chatty and Bob talking, 
and I ran away. ” 

“Well?” and the Professor looked at me to 
enlighten him further. 

“I didn’t stay to hear any more, because 
they were talking about confidential things 
with their heads close together, and whisper- 
ing. ” 

The Professor looked uncomfortable, and 
I didn’t care. I was uncomfortable and mad 
myself, and I wanted to make someone else 
feel so, too. 

When I got back to the house I wanted to 
quarrel with Chatty, and I wanted to get 
it over with, quick; so when she came 


68 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


in I sauntered into her room to borrow a 
pin. 

“Say, Chatty, what’s the matter between 
you and the Professor?” I asked. “You 
two don’t seem to be on as friendly terms as 
you were. ” 

“ No, I’m mad at him, and I’m doing every- 
thing I can to torment him. I made him hold 
the baby, on purpose, night before last, and I 
meant for him to get a good ducking yester- 
day!” 

“Chatty!” 

“Any man who’s as slow as he is at making 
love, deserves to be half drowned. Yes, he 
does! He’s just too stiff for anything. I’ll 
tell you all about it”, she said with a sigh, 
and she nestled her head on my shoulder in a 
most affectionate manner. Is there anything 
more aggravating than to have someone 
commence loving you when you’re just in the 
humor for a good scrap? I didn’t dare to 
push Chatty away, but I wanted to! 

“Ted, I gave the Professor a chance to 


CHATTY AND THE PROFESSOR 69 


kiss me, the other night, and he didn’t 
do it!” 

“Chatty! How could you!” 

“Well, I did, ” she sighed. “ It was Sunday 
night, when the Professor and I were driving 
along that nice thank-ee-mam road, up the 
mountain. You know how beautiful the 
moonlight was, and I felt in my most lovable 
mood. I was nestling down so cosy by him, 
and when he said what a fine night it was, I 
just snuggled a little closer, and murmured, 
“Yes, such nights were made for lovers and 
kisses. ” He never took the hint at all! He’s 
just too proper and precise for anything. 
But I’ve had a little satisfaction out of him, 
anyway,” she gurgled. “Didn’t he look 
funny and scared, holding the baby? Do you 
know, Ted, he only spoke to me in monosyl- 
lables all day yesterday, and when he refused 
to go walking with us in the afternoon I felt 
like having more revenge — and a sudden 
thought popped into my head. You know I 
always could climb trees like a squirrel, and I 


70 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


knew where there was a tin pail hidden in the 
bushes by Spook Spring, so I got a piece of 
twine, and took you all walking down that 
way. 

“I knew Uncle Billy and the Professor 
would soon come driving down the road. 
After you went ahead I got the pail and tied 
the twine on the handle, and filled it with 
water and scrambled up in the tree to a limb 
that overhangs the road. Then I pulled the 
pail up, and fixed it in a crotch of the limb at 
just the right angle. After that I slid down 
the tree and waited for the buggy. The old 
horse soon came trotting along. When I 
thought the Professor’s head was directly 
under the pail I pulled the string. ” 

“You never — ” I gasped. 

“Yes,” she nodded her head, “and down 
came the water on the horse instead, and oh 
Ted, you should have seen that horse dance. 
Then that awful drove of cows came bawling 
down the road like mad, and I was frightened 
stiff. I followed them down the road as fast 


CHATTY AND THE PROFESSOR 71 


as I dared, expecting to find Uncle Billy and 
the Professor dumped out in the road, and 
maybe stone dead! When I reached the 
bridge I was so excited I couldn’t speak, and 
when I found that Uncle Billy and the Pro- 
fessor were safe, and the runaway was laid to 
the cows, I let it go at that. Of course you 
think I’m awful, Ted, and I really am — it’s 
the worst thing I’ve done since I grew up — 
but I’ve angled for that old Professor so long, 
and I can’t find out whether he’s in love with 
me or not. Of course — I don’t want to marry 
him! I just want to know that I could if I 
would .” She stopped to get her breath. 

“Chatty! Sometimes I think you’re pos- 
sessed of an imp of the devil, ”1 raged, and 
seizing her by the shoulders I shook her till 
her hair tumbled down. 

“ Let me go, Ted! ” she gasped. “ I’m going 
to keep right on tormenting the Professor, 
for I know he likes me, and I’m flirting with 
Bob as hard as I can, to make him jealous. 
Now Bob and kissing” — 


72 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“You don’t mean to say that Bob kissed 
you!” I exclaimed breathlessly. 

“Well, what if he did? You’re not jealous, 
are you? Why, Ted ! ’ ’ Chatty sat up straight, 
and looked searchingly at me. “I believe 
you are fond of Bob, in your own way. I 
really do. And now I’m sure of it — you’re 
blushing! Oh, Bonnie,” she called into the 
next room, “Ted’s in love with Bob! Well, 
you’re welcome to him. I wouldn’t wake up 
with that shock of red hair blazing in my eyes 
every morning, for worlds!” 

“Bob’s hair isn’t red; it’s auburn!” I 
said indignantly. 

“Oh! Oh! Oh! Did you hear that, Bonnie? 
‘Bob’s hair is auburnV Now I’m as sure as 
sure can be, that you’re in love with Bob,” 
she cried, as she clapped her hands, and 
hugged me delightedly. 

“If you don’t stop I’ll give you another 
shaking!” I threatened. 

“Well, I’m through now. Get off my bed. 
Do you think I want to roost on the foot- 


CHATTY AND THE PROFESSOR 73 


board? Oh, just a minute — blow my lamp 
out, will you please, Honey? I’m always 
afraid someone will reach out and catch hold 
of my toes, when I get into bed in the dark. 
Thanks, awfully, Ted. Good-night!” 



y 

BY-PATHS TO ARCADIA 

Handsome had been telling us about an 
old abandoned farmhouse he had discovered 
on the other side of the ridge, so Bob and I 
started out in the morning to find it. I made 
up my mind that Chatty should not get 
another chance to flirt with Bob anymore, 
after saying he had red hair, so I sneaked off 
with him, while she was upstairs changing 
her dress. 

We followed a path through the ten acre 
wood-lot, and had just reached the edge of 
the woods, when we came to the brook — and 
not a single stepping-stone was in sight! 
Nothing but a shaky log for crossing. 

“ What’s the matter? ” said Bob after he had 
crossed the log, and turned to find me still on 
the opposite side. 


75 


76 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“I can’t cross running water.” 

“Nonsense!” 

“Well, I can’t. Have you forgotten the 
time I fell in, trying to cross on a log like 
this?” 

“You were only a kid then. Come along!” 
he said, as he ran back over the log and seized 
my hands. “I’LL walk backwards; you look 
at me, and imagine you’re crossing Brooklyn 
Bridge. ” 

“No, I can’t.” 

“Then I’ll wade and carry you. 

“I don’t want you to. I’ll creep” — and 
down I got, and started along on my hands 
and knees, looking fearfully down into the 
current below. “Oh, Bob!” I cried, “I 
feel so dizzy. I’m moving right along with 
the current, — and I can’t creep another 
inch!” 

Bob chuckled. “Stay where you are,” 
he said,” and I’ll get you in a jiffy,” and he 
waded into midstream and took hold of me. 
“Now, drink to me with thine eyes and 


BY-PATHS TO ARCADIA 


77 


CREEP!” he laughed, and in two minutes I 
was sitting high and dry on the other bank, 
waiting for him to put on his socks and shoes. 
Then we waded through grass waist-high 
till we came to the deserted farmhouse — a 
dilapidated old shack, but rather picturesque, 
with hop vines covering the gray weather- 
beaten boards. At the side of the house was 
a well with a long wooden sweep dipping into 
it. Bob and I were thirsty after our long 
walk, and we were starting up the hedged 
path to the well when we heard a familiar 
voice say “Oh, that would be lovely!” and 
Bonnie appeared round the corner of the 
house, followed by Handsome. 

“The old oaken bucket, the iron-bound 
bucket, the moss covered bucket that hangs 
in the well!” sang Handsome, in his rich 
baritone voice, as he lowered the bucket and 
pulled it up full of water. 

Balancing the bucket on the edge of the 
curb, he tipped it toward Bonnie, and she, 
holding back her skirts from the damp well- 


78 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


grass, leaned over and took a drink. I 
noticed how wistfully Handsome regarded 
Bonnie, and that when she had finished 
drinking he put his lips to the same spot 
that hers had pressed. Then, stooping over 
her, he said something in an undertone, so 
low that we could not hear, and Bonnie 
blushed. 

“K— choo! Ah — -K — choo!” It was I 
who gave that startling sneeze which caused 
Handsome and Bonnie to turn round in 
surprise. 

“So this is the place you come to spoon, 
is it?” asked Bob genially, as we emerged 
from behind the hedge. 

“Hello! How did you get here?” ex- 
claimed Handsome. 

“On shanks’ mare,” said Bob. “How did 
you?” 

“We had the horse and buggy, and came 
by the old road. I’ve got the horse tied 
around back. Come on around and look at 
the queer old cellar. ” 


BY-PATHS TO ARCADIA 


79 


“No, thanks,” said Bob, “we’ll just get a 
drink from your ‘old oaken bucket,’ and then 
Ted and I’ve got to hoof it back for dinner. ” 
Then — “Allow me,” he said, tipping the 
bucket for me. “The way Handsome did 
it, too,” he chuckled wickedly, as he found 
the place where I drank. Bonnie looked 
conscious, and Handsome looked ruffled. 

“Come along, Ted, we’ll trot along,” said 
Bob, taking my arm. “Ta-ta! See you two 
later” he called back. 

“Ted, I’ve got something to tell you,” 
said Bob as we stepped briskly along the road. 
“I feel a little bit sneaky for not telling you 
before, but I had promised Bonnie I wouldn’t 
breathe it to a soul. That was three years 
ago, and I reckon that’s long enough to keep 
any secret. I’ll tell you now, if you’ll keep 
mum. ” 

“I never knew Bonnie had a secret, ” said I. 

“I guess you don’t know Cousin Bonnie as 
well as I do, if you have chummed with her 
ten years,” said Bob. “She’s the most 


80 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


baffling girl I know. When she’s all storm 
inside, she’s as calm as a summer day out- 
side! Now, when you’re mad, I know it; 
I only have to look into your eyes to see the 
devil’s a-prancin.’” 

“I’m just as good natured as you are!” 
I retorted sharply. 

“Oh, I know that,” he answered good- 
naturedly. “I like your way much better 
than Bonnie’s. A fellow knows where he’s 
standing, with you. ” 

By this time we had turned off in an old 
wood road which was a short cut to the farm. 
Bob settled himself on a mossy rock and 
commenced to smoke his pipe, just as if I were 
not a bit hungry, and he had all day to spend 
in telling me that secret. 

“Well,” I burst out at last, “do you intend 
to tell me that secret, or sit on a rock all day 
gazing into space? Positively, you are the 
slowest man I ever saw! I don’t know how 
you ever came to have red hair!” 

“You shouldn’t speak so plainly on such a 


BY-PATHS TO ARCADIA 


81 


delicate subject, Ted,” he retorted, as he 
lazily puffed at his pipe. “What’s the use of 
your getting rattled? ” 

“It’s enough to make me cross! I’m 
half starved, and I want to hear Bonnie’s 
secret. ” 

“Well, quit your sass, and I’ll tell you,” 
said he, knocking the ashes from his pipe 
and slowly he rose to his feet and followed me 
down the path. “Now don’t get excited at 
the news,” he warned. “Cousin Bonnie was 
engaged to be married, to Handsome, three 
years ago. ” 

I stepped back and looked at Bob a minute; 
then I shrugged my shoulders and walked on 
again. 

“ Whether you believe it or not, what I am 
telling you is the truth, Ted, and if you’ll 
let up on that high-and-mighty air, I’ll tell 
you all about it.” 

“If you expect me to believe that, you 
must think I’m a fool\” I answered. “I, 
Bonnie’s most intimate friend, not knowing 


82 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


she was engaged to be married — No, I don’t 
believe it!” 

“It’s true, Ted. Wish I had told you before; 
you had a right to know.” “And I suppose 
this happened right under my nose,” said I, 
sarcastically. 

“No, Ted, it didn’t happen right under 
your nose,” said Bob, provokingly. “You 
remember Bonnie spent the winter in Virginia 
with Aunt Helen three years ago, don’t you? 
Well, Bonnie met him down there. Virginia 
is his old home, you know. He fell in love 
with her the very first time he met her, and 
within three weeks they became engaged. 
Just before the time set for Bonnie’s return 
home they had a falling out, and Bonnie broke 
the engagement. Handsome has been trying 
to patch up the break, every since. He came 
to New York and started in business, and 
tagged around after Bonnie every place she 
went, but he told me he never got a chance to 
see her alone — not once. ” 

“I don’t see how she can resist him,” I 


BY-PATHS TO ARCADIA 


83 


said wonderingly, "he is so handsome, and 
the most charming man I ever met. ” 

"Oh, he is, is he?” snorted Bob, catching 
me by one arm and swinging me round to 
face him. 

I leaned forward and straightened his tie, 
and told him to go on. 

"And is Handsome the nicest man you 
know?” he demanded. 

"Of course not! You're the nicest,” I 
answered. "I only said Handsome was the 
most charming.” 

Bob shrugged his shoulders, and viciously 
kicked a stone out of his path. "I surmised 
some time ago that you liked Handsome,” 
he said accusingly. 

“Of course I like him, and I’d like to box 
your ears ! ” I said indignantly. " Now tell me 
the rest of Bonnie’s love affair. I don’t 
believe it, but I want to hear it. ” 

"Well,” said Bob defiantly, "Handsome 
isn’t in love with you anyway — Bonnie’s the 
only girl in the world for him!” and after that 


84 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


foolish remark he became amiable again. 
“ I don’t blame Handsome for wanting Cousin 
Bonnie,” he continued, “for she’s mighty 
nice to look at, and a fine girl in her way. 
When I found out how much he really did 
think of her, I made up my mind to help him, 
so I did a little planning. When I was up 
here this spring a-fishing, I persuaded Aunt 
Molly to take a few of us to board; I told her 
the nice kind of folks, who would 'fit in’ and 
delight in her comfortable old house and the 
big old-fashioned farm. I knew it would 
just suit you, and I thought you probably 
could persuade the other girls. Handsome 
was delighted with the plan, and the Pro- 
fessor said he’d like to come too. I knew that 
if Handsome were near Bonnie every day he’d 
have some chance. Well, it all worked out 
as I planned, and you’re all up here enjoying 
the simple life — and I reckon all’s well with 
Bonnie and Handsome. Now, what do you 
think about it?” 

“What don’t I think!” I answered crossly. 


BY-PATHS TO ARCADIA 


85 


“I’m just as mad at Bonnie as I can be, and 
I’ll never tell her if I get engaged a dozen 
times!” 

“Righto, Ted! It’s safest to confide in a 
man every time. ” 

“Yes, you’ve just proved that,” I answered 
snubbingly. 



VI 

COOKING A DINNER 


Uncle Billy and Aunt Molly wanted to go 
visiting. The only thing that troubled 
Aunt Molly was how we were to get a hot 
dinner if she went away. Chatty and I 
immediately volunteered as cooks for the day. 

“Go, Aunt Molly! Do!” said Chatty. 
“We’ll have a whoop-a-la time, cooking the 
dinner. We’ll show the men what bachelor 
girls can do in that line. They’re always 
making fun of us! And we’ll make them get 
on the job, too. ” 

When Aunt Molly came rattling into the 
kitchen in her best black silk gown and gay 
Sunday bonnet, she found Chatty and me 
ready for work, and she handed us each a big 
blue gingham apron while she gave her part- 
ing instructions. 


87 


88 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“You’ll find all the pans and kettles you 
want in this closet, and all the dishes you 
want in that closet, and whatever extra you 
want to eat you’ll find in the cellar,” and she 
gave a parting look around her nice clean 
kitchen, to see that everything was in perfect 
order. 

The first thing that Chatty and I did was to 
set the men to work. Bob brought us a 
basket of chips and two big armfuls of wood, 
and Handsome carried in a pail of fresh water. 
The Professor caught us a rooster; Bob 
chopped off its head, Handsome cleaned it, 
and I cooked it. Chatty tied an apron round 
each of the men, so they could string beans 
and peel potatoes, and do all such little 
things, and soon we were all running about the 
kitchen, bumping into each other and bossing 
our nearest helper. 

“Bob, take that scoop away from Chatty, 
before she dumps the whole box of sugar into 
the pudding!” I ordered. 

“Mind your own business, Ted,” called 


COOKING A DINNER 


89 


Chatty. “Isn’t this a lark!” she cried, as she 
ran across the room, trailing flour behind her. 
“Polly put the kettle on, and we’ll all take 
tea,” she sang gaily, as she filled the tea- 
kettle and spilled half a dipperful of water on 
Aunt Molly’s clean, shining stove. 

I gave my attention to the chicken. We 
were to have chicken pot-pie, and I wanted 
the dumplings to be light and fluffy. Sud- 
denly there was a crash of breaking china. 

“Lawsee! What’s happenin’!” said Bob, 
jumping up, and unexpectedly dropping the 
butter dish, butter side down, on Aunt 
Molly’s clean rag carpet. 

“Oh, it’s only me, breaking an old saucer. 
Nothing to be alarmed about,” said Chatty, 
as she opened a closet door, and poked her 
head out. “Handy arrangement here, Ted” 
— she set aside a pile of plates, and jumped 
down — “See! a closet door opens on the 
dining-room side, and one on the kitchen side. 
I’m going to have one just like it, when I go 
housekeeping. ” 


90 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“ Chatty, you are too ridiculous for words! ” 
I lectured. “Anybody would think you were 
a child, the way you act.” 

“Oh, shut up, old Honey Bunch,” she 
sassed, as she caught me around the waist, 
and sat me down on a chair. “I’m going to 
jump dishclosets and ditches when I’m sixty, 
if I choose!” 

“Well, get out of here,” said I. “You’ve 
messed things enough for one morning. Go 
to the barn, or somewhere, while I finish 
getting dinner.” 

“All right, I’ll go. But I’ll come back soon, 
and I’ll bring the pups along, and maybe a 
nice big black spider to poke down your 
neck!” She waved her hand to me sweetly. 
“Au revoir, Ted!” 

I had just taken a big juicy huckleberry 
pie from the oven and set it to cool on the 
bench outside the kitchen window, when I 
heard Bob exclaim, “Jinkety whiz! Ted, 
come here, quick! Look at your piel” and 
when I looked out, there was my juicy pie — 


COOKING A DINNER 


91 


alas! — part of it on the ground, and part of it 
spilled over those meddling old hens! Bob, 
holding his sides and laughing fit to explode, 
pointed to an old rooster whose comb was 
dripping hot huckleberry juice. It did look 
funny — and that certainly was the unhap- 
piest old fowl I’ve ever seen. Poor old 
rooster! He finally got so enraged that he 
flew at all the hens, and sent them squawking 
and clucking in every direction. Chatty 
heard the racket, and came running from 
the barn. She laughed until she nearly fell 
into the bucket of swill — and I was so mad 
about losing my pie that I wished she had\ 
Then I smelled something burning, and when I 
ran back to the stove I found the beets all 
burned to the bottom of the pot and not a 
drop of water left on them. Two things 
spoiled! I was ready to cry — so I turned to 
vent my wrath on Bonnie. “What’s the 
matter with these potatoes, Bonnie?” said I. 
(They were almost black.) 

“I don’t know,” answered Bonnie, indif- 


92 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


ferently, as she leaned lazily back in the one 
kitchen rocking-chair, with her hands clasped 
behind her head, and watched the steam 
coming from the pot. “I only put the water 
on, and threw in a handful of saleratus. ” 
“Saleratus!” whooped Bob. “Gee! What 
cooks! I’ll lay you ten to one that I can beat 
any one of you girls at cooking. ” 

“You can’t beat me,” I boasted, “I went 
to cooking school, and can show my diploma. ” 
“Diploma nothing!” retorted Bob. “I 
learned to cook in camp, and got the stuff 
thrown at me if it wasn’t good. Reckon I’d 
better make the coffee anyway, and then 
we’ll have something fit to drink!” 

I turned my back on Bob, and didn’t 
pretend to listen to any more of his bragging. 
“Will you set the table, Bonnie?” I asked. 
Bonnie rose languidly from the rocking-chair, 
leaned over, and whispered in my ear that 
she had a stomach-ache, and she’d have to 
go upstairs and lie down. 

Handsome and the Professor were standing 


COOKING A DINNER 


93 


out in the back yard talking, and I called to 
them, and asked if they would set the table. 
They would! And they did! And such a 
“set” as it was! They put the sugar bowl at 
one end of the table, the milk pitcher at the 
other; the knives to the left and the forks to 
the right; and not a single dish in its rightful 
place. Then the Professor gathered a huge 
bouquet of hollyhocks and placed it in the 
center of the table, so that we looked quite 
festive. Bob helped dish up the edibles, and 
spilled everything. Chatty offered to take up 
the com — and then made an awful fuss 
doing it. 

“This corn bobs; I can’t get it out — and 
the steam is burning my fingers,” she howled, 
as she let a big ear fall on the floor. “Where’s 
Bonnie?” she asked suddenly, as she stopped 
dancing and blowing on her fingers. 

“She says she has a stomach-ache,” I 
whispered. 

“Shall I take her the hot-water bag?” 
asked Chatty, all sympathy. 


94 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“No,” I said, “just call her, and say- 
dinner is served. ” 

Chatty gave one look at my face, and then 
she giggled. 

When we all sat down at the table we looked 
at the stuff, and we looked at each other. 
No one seemed anxious to begin. We started 
with the chicken; it didn’t need carving — it 
was so tender it fell apart, and I boasted that 
it would taste “Awful good.” Bob took the 
first bite. “Yoi, yoi! What did you put in 
the chicken, Ted?” he choked, as he made an 
awful face, and I saw that he wasn’t “putting 
on,” either. 

“What’s the matter?” I asked. I took a 
bite, then leaned back in my chair and glared 
at Handsome. 

“You did it! You spoiled my nice chick- 
en!” I wailed. 

“Why — what did I do?” asked Handsome, 
dismayed. 

“Do! What didn’t you do!” I cried, 
indignantly. “You broke the gall, and left 


COOKING A DINNER 


95 


it in the chicken!” At that they all burst 
out laughing — all but me. I was too mad to 
laugh. After taking such pains to get that 
chicken tender, and the dumplings all light 
and fluffy — and now not a piece was fit to 
eat! We proceeded to try the other 
“eats.” Nothing tasted good. Someone had 
forgotten to put salt and pepper in the 
string beans. 

“Well, you needn’t look at me like that, 
Ted,” said Chatty, “I put most a pound of 
butter in, to make ’em taste good.” 

The corn was tough; the beets tasted burny; 
the potatoes didn’t look nice. Finally we 
tried Chatty’s rice pudding. It looked queer 
and wrinkly on top. I tried to push a spoon 
into it, and finally got it in, but couldn’t pull 
it out again. 

“Chatty, how much rice did you put in?” 
I asked. 

“Five cups full,” she answered calmly. 
“Why — what’s the matter?” 

“Five cups of rice to one quart of milk!” 


96 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


I howled, and all the rest joined in. “Ho, 
Chatty, you’re a grand cook!” 

“Didn’t you say five cups full?” demanded 
Chatty, when we had sobered down a bit. 
“Mercy, no! I said five tablespoons,” said I, 
seized a knife and proceeded to cut the pud- 
ding into cubes, and passed them around. 

“Talk about 'pot luck’! We fellows have 
had it today, all right!” said Bob, when we 
finished the pudding. “You see now, for 
yourselves, what kind of wives bachelor girls 
would make! No Club girls for you nor me, 
boys! We’ll marry girls who can cook.” 

Handsome looked at Bonnie and smiled, 
and the Professor gazed lovingly at Chatty 
as if to say that he’d gladly eat sour dough 
for her. 

“Somehow, I don’t feel satisfied,” said 
Bonnie, pushing her plate away. 

“ Let’s go down cellar and get a cold lunch, ” 
suggested Bob. “Yes, let’s!” echoed Chatty, 
and down cellar we went. 

Aunt Molly’s cellar is large and airy and 


COOKING A DINNER 


97 


clean, with crocks and tubs and jars, all full 
of good things to eat, standing in every 
corner, and there were two big swing shelves, 
where we found a perfect feast. 

‘‘Here, Piggy! Don’t take all that pot- 
cheese!” Chatty elbowed me in the ribs, 
and after stealing half of my pot-cheese she 
sat down on the cellar bottom, by a pot of 
raspberry jam, with her dish and spoon. 

Bob satisfied himself with a slice of ham 
between two thick pieces of homemade rye 
bread. There never was such rye bread as 
Aunt Molly makes! I found Handsome 
around one side of the swing shelf with his 
spoon in a whole case of honey, and he looked 
as if he were having a blissful time. The 
Professor looked very undignified with a 
moustache of buttermilk on his upper lip; 
and Bonnie looked actually piggish, sitting 
on a tub in one corner, with a big apple pie in 
her lap — and that pie was going fast! 

We ate, and ate! Somehow things taste 
better when you eat in picnic fashion. After 


98 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


we were all stuffed full, I suggested that we 
go upstairs and clean up the kitchen and 
dining-room, and we all got ‘on the job’ 
immediately — except Bonnie. She — disap- 
peared! 

When we were through cleaning, the kitchen 
looked almost as nice as when Aunt Molly 
left it. We washed the dishes and pans, and 
Bob scrubbed the spot where he dropped the 
butter on the carpet. We even blackened the 
stove, till it shone anew. Then Chatty and I 
went upstairs to take a bath and get some 
fresh clothes on, and there in her room we 
found Bonnie, stretched out on her bed, 
taking a beauty nap. But she didn’t take it 
any longer! I took her shoulders and Chatty 
grabbed her feet, and we rolled her out on the 
floor. Then I held her fast, while Chatty 
spanked her with my bedroom slippers! 


VII 

IN CUPID’S GARDEN 

It was down in the orchard, where a 
branchy old apple-tree, all crooked and 
gnarled, parted in the middle to form a level 
seat just wide enough for two. A soft breeze 
was stirring, filling the air with the odor of 
ripening apples; and from the field nearby 
sounded the soft clash of waving corn leaves. 
It was early evening, and in the woods across 
the fields a hermit-thrush sang. 

Bob and I were out for a walk, and we cut 
across the corn-field. When we reached the 
stone wall below the orchard we heard voices 
close by, and then I heard Bonnie say — 
“Why — did you do that for me, Handsome?” 
and Handsome answered — “Yes, because 
you’re you, precious,” and then we heard a 
kiss. I turned to run. Bob caught hold of 
my skirt, and pulled me down behind the 

99 


100 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


wall. “ Keep still, or I’ll kiss you , ” he 
threatened. 

The voices continued. “Have you written 
the school trustees that you wouldn’t be back 
next term, sweetheart?” 

“No, Handsome, I’d rather teach next 
term.” And I thought to myself “What a 
fib!” for Bonnie never did like to teach, nor 
to do anything else much. 

“I’d rather you wouldn’t, love,” said 
Handsome. “You know we are to be married 
right after the holidays. I wish you would 
send in your resignation now, dear. ” 

I made another break to get away, but Bob 
grabbed my arm and sat me down again. 

“Haven’t you any shame, Bob?” I whis- 
pered. 

“I’ll search!” he whispered back, and then 
he turned his pockets inside out, in great 
haste. The only thing for me to do, after 
that, was to sit still. 

Of course I ought to have put my fingers 
in my ears, but I didn’t. I wasn’t going to 


IN CUPID’S GARDEN 


101 


have Bob hear it all, and then tell me any- 
thing he pleased, so I sat as quiet as a mouse. 

More kisses on the other side of the wall. 
Bonnie being kissed! Bonnie, who always 
said she hated to be kissed, bathed kisses! 

“I wonder what Cousin Bob would say if 
he knew we ‘made up’ before we came up here 
this summer?” I heard Bonnie coo — between 
kisses. 

“He won’t know anything about it, dearest. 
He will naturally think it came about through 
our being up here ^- all as the result of his 
scheme. It’s only fair to let him think he was 
the means of bringing us together. We owe 
him that pleasure, for he was good to me.” 

Bob and I made eyes at each other, behind 
the stone wall. Then we heard them get up 
and walk away. As soon as they were out of 
hearing, Bob and I climbed over and occupied 
the tree-seat. 

“WELL!” said Bob. 

“Well!” I burst out indignantly, “they’ve 
treated you nicely, haven’t they?” 


102 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“What’s the odds?” he answered, shrug- 
ging his shoulders. “All’s well that ends 
well.” 

“Shall we let them know we know?” 

“Of course not, Ted. It wouldn’t be a bit 
of satisfaction. It’s impossible to tease 
Bonnie, or Handsome either. ” 

“Well, I don’t care about teasing Bonnie — 
she’s been just too mean for anything — so 
stingy with her old love affair!” I answered 
crossly. 

“Go easy, Ted. People who live in glass 
houses shouldn’t throw stones,” said he. 

“Bob, things are getting serious between 
Chatty and the Professor,” I said hastily, 
as I looked away from him. “Did you know 
it? Chatty has the Professor just where she 
wants him, now. ” 

“You’re dreaming, Ted! The Prof is a con- 
firmed old bachelor. He only likes Chatty’s 
company because she amuses him. ” 

“ You don’t know anything about it, Bob!” 
I cried. “He’s in love with Chatty, and I 


IN CUPID'S GARDEN 


103 


know it. He’s just too bashful to tell her so, 
poor thing. ” 

Bob laughed. 

“Well, you needn’t laugh! You watch 
him sometime, when we’re all together, and 
you’ll see how differently he looks at Chatty, 
from the way he looks at Bonnie and me.” 

Bob laughed again. “You’re ,wayoffthe 
track, Ted, but to satisfy you I’ll keep an eye 
on him, and see if there’s any difference in 
the way he looks at you girls. ” 

“And you’d better look out for yourself 
Bob!” I said warningly, “for I think Chatty 
has designs on you.” 

At that Bob laughed so long and loud that I 
was afraid everybody at the house would 
come running down through the orchard to 
find out what the racket was about. 

“What the devil have you got in your 
head, anyway, Ted?” said he, between laughs, 
and he threw out an arm to pull me back, as I 
jumped up from the tree-seat; but I was too 
quick for him, and slipped through the orchard 


104 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


to the house. Somehow he acted as if I had 
made a fool of myself, and I didn’t want to 
see him again that night. 


VIII 

HUCKLEBERRYING 

“Let’s go huckleberrying this morning, 
girls and boys. No dissenting votes? Then 
the motion’s carried!” so said Bob at the 
breakfast table, next morning Well, we 
went huckleberrying ! And I never want 
to go huckleberrying again; neither does 
Chatty. 

Uncle Billy said he would show us where 
the biggest berries grew thick, up in North 
Swamp, so we started off, with empty tin 
pails and full lunch baskets. 

First we travelled along a narrow dirt road, 
then we turned off into the woods and fol- 
lowed a winding cow path. As we neared the 
edge of the forest we heard the tinkle of a 
cow bell, and when we reached the clearing 
we saw, beyond a hazel hedge, a drove of 

105 


106 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


cattle feeding on the thick green pasture 
grass. 

“ Co-tie, co-tie,” called Chatty, as she held 
out her hand to a pretty Jersey cow nearby. 
“Here, cusha, cusha! ’’she called, still holding 
her hand outstretched to the pretty, gentle- 
looking creature. “Moo,” timidly responded 
the cow, looking at Chatty with big tender 
eyes, and then, with quick steps, her full 
smooth udder swinging between her hind 
legs, the cow reached out and thrust her 
moist nose into Chatty’s hand. I saw an 
empty paper lying by Chatty’s feet, and 
when I walked up behind her I discovered 
that she was feeding salt to the cow. 

“You wretch!” I exclaimed. “You’ve 
taken all the salt we had in our lunch- 
basket.” 

“I don’t care! Uncle Billy said salt was 
good for cows,” said Chatty indifferently, 
as she laid her face down by the cow’s, and 
tickled the creature’s soft nose. “Um — Ah! 
Come here and smell the cow’s breath. 


HUCKLEBERRYING 


107 


You say you love nature, Ted. Come here 
and smell it. ” 

I put my head down by Chatty’s, and took 
a whiff — then another, and another. It 
smelled like all out-of-doors. 

“What are you doing — kissing the cow?” 
asked Bob, as he walked up to us. 

“No, we’re smelling its breath, ” I answered. 
“Come take a whiff. ” 

“Ted, I’m amazed at you — the way you 
used to play in the cowlot, when you were a 
kid, and never smelled a cow’s breath be- 
fore!” 

“You know I was always afraid of 
cows.” 

“No, I don’t remember that. But I 
recollect the time you got mad at me, when 
we were paddling in the brook, and you 
walked up to a cow that stood there, and 
squirted milk all over my face and clothes,” 
said Bob, as he let down the bars for me to 
pass through. 

I turned around to say something back to 


108 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


Bob, and there I saw Chatty, on her knees 
beside the cow, with her head down beside 
its udder, “ Chatty! What are you doing 
now?” I asked. She jumped up guiltily — 
“I was milking milk into my mouth, and it 
tickled like fun,” she giggled. Bob said 
“Oh!” and leaned against the fence, and 
almost laughed himself away. 

After crossing the pasture-lots we came to 
a lane running in toward another patch of 
woods. Uncle Billy said he would leave us 
here, and go on to Burnt Meadows to cut hay. 
He turned away, then came back to us, and 
pointed to a great mass of jagged rocks just 
off the road. 

“That’s Wildcat Den,” said he, “where 
Brother Jim shot the biggest wildcat ever 
killed in these parts. It was a September 
night, with as fine a harvest moon as ever I 
see. We were out coon huntin’, Jim and me. 
Had Loud, our best coon-dog, with us, and 
Uno, a young hound we were trainin’ in for 
coon huntin.’ We followed West Brook a 


HUCKLEBERRYING 


109 


little ways, then turned off along the foot of 
the ridge, and had almost reached these 
rocks, when we heard Loud barkin’ not far 
away. 

“‘Come along, Jim!’ I called, ‘The dog’s 
barkin’ up. Got a coon treed, sure. ’ 

“We hurried up those rocks you see ahead. 
All of a sudden we heard a yell that made our 
hair stand on end, and the next minute Uno 
came yelping toward us, with the blood 
runnin’ out o’ his eyes in a stream. Jim 
dashed ahead, and I close behind. As we swung 
down over that big boulder a wildcat whirled 
round on us — his back humped up, and his 
eyes blazin’ like balls of fire. With another 
bloodcurdling yell he turned, and leaped 
down the rocks. 

‘“Let fly, JimV I called. 

“At the first crack, Jim’s gun kicked — 
hit Jim on the head, and flew out of his hand. 
He fell in one direction, the gun in the other. 
I stood still, too scared to speak or move. I 
had filled the guns that morning, and I guess I 


110 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


plugged Jim’s too full. Suddenly Jim’s voice 
brought me back to my senses. 

'“Confound you, you shallow-pated young 
fool! What in blazes did you fill that 
gun so chock-full that it kicked, for?’ he 
shouted. 

"When I ventured below, I found him 
sitting up on the rocks, and I swan! he looked 
madder than the cat he had shot at! 

'“For two cents I’d break your young 
neck!’ he growled, when I asked if he was 
hurt. 

"Finally he got up and limped down the 
path, ordering me to go back and see if he’d 
killed the cat. I climbed up over the rocks 
where the wildcat had disappeared, and 
there at the top I found him, stretched out 
dead. He was a big fellow — measured thirty- 
nine inches from tip to tail. Jim felt a mite 
better when he saw the cat, but he didn’t 
seem to be in a humor for any more adven- 
tures that night, so we made for home. 

"Now I’ll leave you people, and go on my 


HUCKLEBERRYING 


111 


way. Bring your pails home full, and I’ll 
guarantee you’ll get some good huckleberry 
pie! Follow the sheep-path up over the 
rocks yonder, and you’ll come to the swamp 
in about five minutes. Good-bye!” 

North Swamp is the most dismal hole I 
ever saw, but right in its center we saw a 
large rock with a cedar tree on it. Bonnie 
and Chatty and I made for that spot, while 
the men started to break branches off the 
tall swamphuckleberry bushes which formed 
a hedge around the swamp. We girls volun- 
teered to pick the berries off the branches the 
men brought us, and when we started on the 
job we thought huckleberry ing was a picnic. 
That is, Chatty and I did; Bonnie sat on the 
only patch of moss on the rock, and merely 
looked on. It occurred to me that this was a 
good opportunity for me to plague Bonnie, 
just to see what she would have to say for 
herself. She had kept her love affair to her- 
self long enough, and I made up my mind I 


112 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


wouldn’t hold my tongue any longer, for Bob 
or anyone else. 

“Chatty,” said I in a careless tone, “does- 
n’t it seem to you that Bonnie and Handsome 
have grown very intimate, since we came up 
here this summer?” I shot a glance at 
Bonnie to see how she was taking it. Evi- 
dently she was not paying attention, or did 
not hear. She was leisurely chewing huckle- 
berries. 

“I suppose it’s natural that they should,” 
said Chatty. “You and Bob are always 
off a-hiking together, and I’m studying 
botany with the Professor; I guess we’ve left 
Bonnie and Handsome pretty much to 
themselves. ” 

Somehow Chatty’s view of the case irritated 
me. I leaned over, and pinched her. 

“Ouch! What did you do that for, Ted?” 

“Because Bonnie has a confession to make, 
and I want you to wake up and take it all in. ” 

“Oh! What is it, Bonnie?” said Chatty, 
at once, greatly interested. 


HUCKLEBERRYING 


113 


Bonnie looked up at me, her eyes filled 
with innocent wonder. “I have something 
to confess?” she asked with mild suprrise. 
She hadn’t even turned a shade pinker. It 
was too much! “Chatty, she’s engaged; 
she’s engaged to Handsome — ” I blurted. 

Chatty was surprised enough to please 
anybody. Her eyes got bigger and bigger, 
as she stared at us both. Then she reach- 
ed over and bearhugged Bonnie till that 
stately personage was “all rumpled up.” 
‘It’s great! Simply great!” cried Chatty, 
excitedly. 

“Great, indeed!” I snorted. “I’d like to 
know what there is that’s great about it! 
I called it downright mean and tricky — 
your most intimate friend getting engaged 
without even hinting about it, and leav- 
ing you to find out the best way you could. 
She doesn’t care a rap for my friendship 
now — ” 

“You have me, Ted,” Chatty reminded me 
sweetly. 


114 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“Yes, and I suppose you will do the same 
identical thing. Seems to me you’re not 
as keen about staying single as you used 
to be!” 

“Well, perhaps not — ” said Chatty mus- 
ingly, with a faraway look in her eyes. 
“Sometimes I think I shall stay single, — 
and sometimes I think I shan’t. When I last 
called on Ruth Dana, and her three sticky 
youngsters — ‘little loves,’ she calls them — 
almost ruined my new charmeuse gown, I 
felt like slapping them, every one; and I 
silently thanked my stars that I wasn’t in 
Ruth’s shoes. But when she brought the 
baby in, just awake from his nap, he was so 
dear, and nestled in my arms so cunningly, 
I felt like getting married right away, and 
having one just like him. And that’s the way 
it goes; one is never sure what one will do — 
but there’s one thing certain, Ted — if I ever 
do get engaged, I’ll tell you the first one!” 
she ended, comfortingly. 

Bob approached us, with an armful of 


HUCKLEBERRYING 


115 


branches. “I reckon you girls are eating more 
berries than you’re putting in the pails,” 
said he, as he threw the branches at our feet, 
and looked at our stained lips. 

“You do your part of the job, and we’ll do 
ours, ” said Chatty. 

When Bob was out of hearing again, 
Bonnie leaned over and laid her hand on my 
arm. There was a look of mild reproach in 
her eyes. “Ted, dear, you musn’t mind 
because I didn’t tell you about my engage- 
ment,” she said. “Somehow, I can’t talk 
about those things. Sometime you’ll under- 
stand. ” 

I suddenly felt ashamed, and ignorant, 
and insignificant — but I didn’t let Bon- 
nie know I felt that way; I just shrugged 
my shoulders, and turned my back, and 
picked berries as fast as my fingers could 

fly- 

Bob and Handsome and the Professor did 
their part of the job, all right; indeed, they 
overdid it! They piled branches around us 


116 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


till we could hardly see over the top. Finally 
Chatty and I got tired. 

“It sounds as if you men were having too 
good a time over there,” called Chatty. 
“You’d better come help us.” Bob, peeping 
into our fort, snubbingly reminded her that 
an hour before we had been “falling all over 
each other, to see who could get the most 
berries. ” 

“That’s so too, Bob,” she retorted, “but 
let me tell you that this rock is no soft cushion 
to sit on. If you don’t come soon to help us 
in here, we’ll quit entirely, and leave you to 
finish the job yourself.” So the men-folks 
stopped breaking branches, and came to help 
us with the picking and eating. 

“What is this?” asked the Professor, 
stooping down to pick a small, long pear from 
a cactus-plant growing on the rock. He 
readjusted his eye-glasses. “A prickly pear! 
I knew they grew in the crevices of rocks in 
the mountains, but I never saw a ripe one 
before. ” 


HUCKLEBERRYING 


117 


“Are they good to eat? Give me a bite,” 
said Chatty, and, reaching over, she took a 
big bite before the Professor could stop her. 
“Bah — Ow — Mercy ! For the love of Mike! 
give me something to drink!” she cried, as 
she danced about us, making the most awful 
faces. 

“I understand” — said the Professor slowly, 
— “that these little pears are covered with 
invisible prickles, which should be wiped off 
before they are eaten. ” 

“It’s a pity you didn’t tell me that before 
I took a bite!” snapped Chatty at him, and 
he looked unhappy the rest of the day. 
(Maybe it was because he got some of those 
prickles in the end of his fingers.) 

Poor Chatty had such a sore mouth from 
the old pear that she could not eat her dinner. 
It really was sad to see her sit there starving, 
while we consumed the goodies, but ’way 
down in my heart I didn’t feel one bit sorry 
for her, for our hard-boiled eggs and our 


h 


118 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


tomatoes didn’t taste a bit good without the 
salt she had fed to her cow. 

After lunch Bob had the audacity to 
suggest that we fill our empty lunch-baskets 
with berries, but we girls declined with haste, 
and slid down off the rock — and the men, 
finding they would have to do all the work, 
soon followed us. Outside the huckleberry 
hedge we found a boggy marsh, with dirty 
wet mire between the bogs, and we had to do a 
lot of jumping, to keep from getting our feet 
wet. I had almost reached the other side of 
the marsh when I was startled by a shriek. 
Then more shrieks! It was Chatty’s voice. 
She had gotten across ahead of us. Now 
she ran screaming to the edge of the 
marsh. 

“Oh, the beasts!” she cried. “They’ll 
kill me. The beasts!” she screamed, 
wildly waving her hands, and madly jump- 
ing about. 

One awful thought came into my mind — 
“ Wildcats are after Chatty !” — and half blindly 


HUCKLEBERRYING 


119 


I started across the bogs, giving great fright- 
ened leaps, with Bob close behind me. Sud- 
denly I missed my footing, and down I went, 
splash! into the blackest, dirtiest muck ever 
seen, and pulled Bob in with me. 

‘ ‘ Good Heavens ! Chatty ! The wildcats ! ’ ’ 
I cried, as I tried to pull my feet out, 
and sank in up to my knees. “ Wildcats ! 
Where are they, Chatty?” I screamed, 
as I looked across the marsh and saw 
Handsome hitting right and left with his 
hat. “Where are the wildcats?” I wailed. 
“Save Chatty!” 

“Wildcats!” called Handsome, laughingly, 
“Why, we couldn’t resurrect one if we tried. 
It’s hornetsl” He flapped his hat about him. 
“There! They are all gone now, every one.” 
I heard him say soothingly to Chatty. She 
was holding her hands out toward me, and I 
saw the tears rolling down her face. “Oh, 
see! Oh, how they pain!” she cried pitifully. 
Handsome started daubing mud on the 
swellings. 


/ 


120 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“I’m coming!” I called, as I gave a lively 
pull with one leg. I couldn’t budge ! 

“Why don’t you help me?” I cried, 
turning to Bob. He stood doubled over, as 
if he had a pain, and I couldn’t see his face. 
I gave another jerk, and sank in deeper. 

“Have you got appendicitis, or what is 
the matter with you, Bob? ” I said, becoming 
alarmed. I reached over and shook his arm 
frantically, as I felt myself sliding in, deeper 
and deeper. “We’re in quicksand, Bob!” 
Then I raised my voice — “We’re in quick- 
sand! Come and help us,” I screamed. 
“We are sinking in quicksand, and Bob’s got 
appendicitisl” 

They came running, jumping, over the bog 
to us. I tried to kick a leg loose, and sat 
down flat with a splash. I looked to Bob 
for sympathy. He was still doubled up, 
making a low moaning sound. I saw tears 
dropping off his face, from under his raised 
arm. Then he threw back his head. 

“Wowl” he howled. “Wowl Oh, Ted, 


HUCKLEBERRYING 


121 


if you could only see yourself!” and he 
doubled up again, laughing. He had been 
laughing all the time! I looked up. All the 
rest of them stood in the bog, — laughing ! 
Even Chatty with one lip swollen till it touched 
her nose, and the other lip swollen till it 
touched her chin — even she was gurgling 
with impish glee. I looked at Bob. He was 
still hugging himself, and rocking back and 
forth, in the mud. 

“Boh, you’re a fooll You big blaz-ed fooll” 
I cried, and then I burst into tears. I never 
called him a fool before, and I hope I never 
shall again; but I couldn’t help it! My tears 
must have sobered him, for in a minute he 
was trying to help me out of the muck. He 
on one side, and Handsome on the other, 
managed to haul me out. When I put my 
hands to my face, it felt all crusty. 

a 0h, Ted! You are the funniest sight 
imaginable!” gurgled Chatty as distinctly 
as she could with her swollen lips. “You’re 
spattered and mucked from head to foot. 


122 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


There’s a smudge on the tip of your nose, 
and another on your chin, and speckles all 
between. ” 

“ Well, I can’t look any worse than you do ! ” 
I blazed, wrathfully. “Your clothes are all 
covered with beggar’s lice and burdock 
burrs, and your face would stop an eight-day 
clock!” 

The Professor heard me, and gave me the 
most reproachful look, and then he kept close 
by Chatty all the way home, and helped 
her over all the rough places, and gave her 
little love-pat glances out of the corner of 
his eye. 

Never will I forget my walk home from that 
swamp. At every step the muck oozed up 
inside my shoes; my face was so crusted with 
dirt that I could hardly see, and I walked in 
the rear, so that the others could not look at 
me. 

“My! Been in a bee’s nest?” asked Uncle 
Billy, looking at Chatty’s awful face as we 
straggled up the lane. 


HUCKLEBERRYING 


123 


“And you\ Where on the face of the earth 
have you been?” he ejaculated, as he caught 
sight of me. 

“Been! Where do I look as if I’d been?” 
I called back, as I scuttled away to the house. 

That night the Professor proposed to 
Chatty. 








I 


IX 


LOVE AND A WISH-BONE 

Chatty sat on the foot of my bed, and 
awakened me out of a sound sleep to tell me! 

“I’m engaged, Ted! He’s lovely! And 
you’re to be my maid-of-honor, Honey.” 

“No, I won’t be your maid-of-honor!” 
I snapped. “I’m always buying fine clothes 
to be somebody’s maid-of-honor, and then 
going in rags the rest of the time. And who 
is it that’s lovely, and that you’re engaged 
to?” I inquired suddenly, getting awake all 
at once. 

“Why, the Professor, Goosie! Who would 
it be? Oh, I forgot to tell him something!” — 
and she hopped off the bed. 

“Well, sit still; you can’t tell him now — I 
hear him snoring. ” 

“How can you, Ted!” exclaimed Chatty 

125 


126 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


indignantly. “I wasn’t going to tell him 
now. And anyway, it isn’t the Professor you 
hear snoring — it’s Bob.” 

“No, it isn’t Bob,” I said crossly. “People 
don’t snore till after they’re forty, and Bob 
is only thirty. I suppose you think the Pro- 
fessor is too dignified to snore!” 

“Now, Ted, you’re disagreable and horrid. 
If it were you who had gotten engaged, I’d 
be rejoicing, and clapping my hands, and 
hugging you. It will be lovely when I go 
housekeeping. I’ll have you come to visit 
me, the very first one!” 

“And eat the things you cook, and die of 
indigestion, ” said I. 

“Oh, Ted, you’re awful,” she said, “but I 
can’t be mad at you. I know its dreadful 
for you, as President of the Club, to lose two 
of us at once, but it can’t be helped. Do you 
know, Ted, I’ve been in love with the Pro- 
fessor ever since I took my University course, 
and he made me study my noodle off to get 
through. He wasn’t sure I cared for him 


LOVE AND A WISH-BONE 127 


that way, and I wasn’t sure about it either, 
till he proposed. And, Ted — I know it isn’t 
proper to tell, but I promised you I would — 
I mean, how he proposed. He and I were 
sitting out on the back-door steps, when I 
happened to think of a wish I wanted to 
make, and I ran into the house and got a 
wish-bone off the mantel, where I had hung 
it to dry. 

“I gave the Professor one end of the bone, 
and told him to make a wish and then pull 
hard. I got the shortest end. 'Oh, dear!’ 
I said, “I wanted the longest end, so I could 
get my wish. I didn’t want the shortest end, 
and get married first. ’ And the Professor — 
you know we always thought he was bashful, 
Ted, but he isn’t a bit — he just leaned over 
and said ‘Suppose we get married at the same 
time, dear ?’ For a minute I couldn’t think 
or say anything — then I reached up and gave 
him the tightest hug. He isn’t a bit silly, or 
mushy, but he’s awfully affectionate, and 
he’s so protecting, and he — ” 


128 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“You said you’d never get married,” I 
butted in. 

“Oh, I know I said so, but can’t a person 
change her mind? ” 

“You’ve been in love before,” I reminded 
her. 

“No, Ted, it wasn’t the real thing before. 
I’ve liked lots of boys, but this is different. 
The Professor isn’t a boy; he’s a man, and I 
love him, and can always look up to him. ” 

“Yes, and look a good ways up,” I ob- 
served, “and you’ll have to stand on your 
toes in the bargain. I suppose you won’t be 
able to think or talk anything but Professor 
from now on. ” 

“I suppose not,” she sighed. “Nothing 
else interests me. I only want the Professor.” 

“Chatty!” 

“Yes, it’s so, Ted. You’ll get there too, 
some day. See if you don’t! And then you’ll 
understand. ” 

“Chatty, you make me tired!” 

“There’s no use of my explaining things to 


LOVE AND A WISH-BONE 129 

you, Honey,” she said in the most madden- 
ing, elderly way. “You can never under- 
stand, till you’re engaged yourself. ” 

“You had a hundred excuses for not getting 
married, till lately, ” I snapped. 

“I don’t remember ’em now, Ted — really 
I don’t.” 

“Oh!” I said in disgust, “after all the 
plans you and Bonnie and I made together — 
our plans for the future. How about the 
bungalow we were to build?” 

“Oh, you can build it, Ted,” she answered 
brightly, “and Bonnie and I will come up 
every summer with our husbands and children, 
to board with you. Do you know, Ted dear, 
’way down in my heart I always did intend 
to get married, if I could have the right man. 
Confess, Ted, that you feel that way too!” 
she said, catching me by the shoulders and 
looking searchingly into my eyes. “Even if 
you are President of the Bachelor Girls’ Club, 
and an awfully independent person. Confess, 
Ted!” 


130 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“Confess nothing \” I growled savagely, 
rolling over in my blanket. “I’m going to 
sleep. ” 


X 


CONCERNING A COURTSHIP 

“He’s old enough to be her father, and a 
foot and a half taller than she! It will be the 
most absurd match I ever heard of, and our 
Bachelor Girl Club will be broken up. 
Chatty was the life of it. ” 

“Oh, come, Ted; you know you didn’t want 
Chatty to fool the Professor,” said Bob. 

“No, I didn’t,” I answered honestly and 
wearily, “but I’m so lonesome! Bonnie sits 
and dreams every minute when she isn’t with 
Handsome, and when I ask her anything she 
just looks up with a vacant smile and doesn’t 
say a word. And Chatty does nothing but 
talk about the Professor, every time I’m with 
her, and she acts so silly when she’s with him, 
that I’m ashamed of her! I’m tired of it all, 
and I’ll be glad to get home again. ” 

131 


132 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


“You’re not fair to me, Ted. I’m always 
at your heels — and now I have the bulliest 
news in the world to tell you!” 

Bob’s voice was so boisterously happy that 
I turned to look at him, and it flashed through 
my mind that he had one of two things to tell 
me, and a sudden fear seized me. 

“I — I want to get something from up- 
stairs!” I gasped, and away I sped, up the 
porch steps, and through the hall, and up to 
my room— and then I stamped my foot, and 
called myself a coward and a fool. Why 
hadn’t I stayed, and listened to Bob! I 
stormed around in the dark room, trying to 
get up enough courage to go down again, — 
but I couldn’t do it, so I undressed and went 
to bed. 

Half an hour later Chatty came in and 
threw herself across the foot of my bed. 
“Ted,” said she, “I don’t know how I’ve 
ever lived so long without having the Pro- 
fessor love me. He’s the dearest man in the 
world!” 


CONCERNING A COURTSHIP 133 


“You make me tired, Chatty!” I said, im- 
patiently. “I don’t k n ow how he ever came 
to fall in love with such a chatterbox as you, 
at all. I don’t believe you have a serious 
thought in your head.” 

“Oh, I’ll get along in the world just as well 
as you will, Honey. I don’t have to be 
serious; the Professor can do my thinks for 
me!” she crowed. 

“If you weren’t a bachelor girl, it would be 
different; but no one expects one of our kind 
to be so in love that she loses her head. And 
the way you used to laugh at other girls for 
being silly!” 

“ Oh, fudge ! I didn ’t agree to be a bachelor 
girl always and forever. I’ve kept you com- 
pany for a long time, Ted, and this is the way 
you thank me. Oh, by the way! I saw Bob 
on the porch steps before I came in. He had 
the big lantern by his side, and was evidently 
writing a letter. He wrote and wrote; and 
then tore it all to little bits, and when a 
scrap of paper fluttered my way I read it and 


134 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


it was all full of love, to some girl. I always 
thought Bob was stuck on Margaret Cham- 
bers. Why what is the matter, Ted? 

You look the way I felt the night the Professor 
didn’t kiss me!” She rolled me over toward 
the light. “Don’t you feel well, Honey?” 
and she gave a quick look at my swollen eyes. 

“No!” I answered forlornly, and then I 
idiotically buried my face in the pillow and 
cried. 

“Oh, that’s too bad, dear. You haven’t 
looked right for the last two days. I ’ll 
sleep with you tonight, and take care of you. 
Just snuggle down, and I’ll tuck you in, and 
then I’ll get a hot water bag for your feet,” 
and before I could stop her she was speeding 
down the hall. 

“Ted’s sick!” I heard her say. “I’m 
afraid she’s getting typhoid, or something 
awful,” and then it sounded like a whisper, 
a chuckle, and a giggle — but of course that 
was my imagination. 

The next minute Bob was speaking through 


CONCERNING A COURTSHIP 135 


the crack of my door. “Are you very ill, 
Ted? Shall I go for the doctor?” he asked, 
anxiously. 

“No. Go — away,” I choked, from under 
the covers. 

“Ted,” he said softly. “I got a letter, to- 
day, that made me the happiest fellow this 
side of New York ” 

Just then Chatty appeared with the water 
bag, and proceeded to “tuck me in.” Bob 
went off down the hall, slowly. 

“Now, Ted, I won’t kick once, and I’ll 
be as quiet as a mouse,” said Chatty, as she 
cuddled down beside me. Fancy Chatty 
being quiet! 

Silence for five whole minutes. 

“Oh, Ted, I forgot to tell you the Professor 
says he’ll buy that old deserted farmhouse, 
and we’ll have it for our summer home. 
Won’t that be lovely!” and she gave me an 
ecstatic hug, and managed to kick the hot- 
water bag out of the bed. 


136 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


Another silence. I thought she had gone to 
sleep. 

“Say, Ted, we’ve decided on October for 
our wedding; the Professor says he won’t 
wait any longer.” 

After a while she really did go to sleep, 
but I lay awake till after the big hall clock 
struck two; and then I dozed off, and dreamed 
that Bob was walking up the church aisle 
with Margaret Chambers, and the minister 
stood ready to marry them, and I stood in the 
gallery with a pistol in my hand, waiting 
to shoot Margaret. Then I opened my eyes 
to find the morning sun shining on my face, 
and I heard Chatty tripping down the hall. 

I didn’t want any breakfast, and I didn’t 
want to see any one of that love-sick crowd — 
so I tiptoed down into the kitchen, and asked 
Aunt Molly for a glass of milk. She smiled 
one of her good-natured smiles, and cut me 
one of her big fat slices of homemade bread, 
and poured me a bowl of milk, fresh from the 
strainer-pail. 


CONCERNING A COURTSHIP 137 


I know it was good bread and milk, but it 
went down hard. When I had finished eating, 
I slipped out of the kitchen and hurried 
around the barn, made a bee-line through 
Uncle Billy’s wheat field, and didn’t stop to 
draw a long breath till I was safely out of 
sight of the house, on the other side of the 
hill. Here I threw myself down upon the big 
rock by the old butternut tree. A tiny arm 
of the brook trickled under the rail fence in 
front of me, and beyond stretched a sunny 
meadow. I tried to get into a comfortable 
position, with my back against the tree. I 
couldn’t get comfortable, at all. Nothing 
was comfortable, nor nice, nor beautiful in the 
universe, because — I tried to deny the cause, 
but it wouldn’t be denied! There was no 
use of pretending any longer. “You know 
you’re in love, now, don’t you?” I said to 
myself. “Now you’re sure of it, when it’s 
too late,” I told myself savagely. “You’ve 
found it out at last, and it serves you right, 
too!” and in my indignation I brought my 


138 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


foot down whack! on the rock, and hurt my 
heel so that it brought the tears to my eyes — 
and he saw them, those tears — Bob, who was 
climbing over the rail fence at that moment. 
The next few minutes are not very clear in 
my mind. My heart was doing queer stunts, 
and I couldn’t see. Then I felt Bob wiping 
my eyes, and I opened them to see him lying 
sprawled on the rock, with his head resting 
against my knee. I tried to rally my pride — 
to get up — but Bob took hold of my arm, and 
gently set me down again, and laid his head 
back in the old comfortable position, and gazed 
off across the meadow. 

“This reminds me of the brook where you 
and I used to play, Ted,” he said. “Remem- 
ber the day when you and I sat on the top rail 
of the fence which divided your grandfather’s 
farm from Uncle Dave’s place — with the 
meadow brook close by, and the big stone in 
the middle, where your shoes lay, and your 
pink sunbonnet, with its strings floating in 
the water — and your bare feet swung back 


CONCERNING A COURTSHIP 139 

and forth between the fence rails, keeping time 
to the tune I played on my jewsharp? You 
and I were on the best of terms then, weren’t 
we? Remember how you quarreled with me 
the day before that, because I didn’t give you 
the only strawberry I found — but how, next 
morning, when I brought you seven, that I had 
crawled around in the wet grass to find, and 
I told you I had something nice for you in my 
pocket, you “made up” with me, and we 
went off to paddle in the brook? 

“I remember how pleased you looked when 
I took a whole stick from my pocket, and 
broke off the biggest half for you — and how 
you turned to me, and told me I was ‘the 
loveliest boy alive, ’ and that you’d like to 
stay with me all the time. Do you remember 
how I put my arms around you, and told you 
I’d share all the candy and strawberries I 
ever had, with you? And that we’d get mar- 
ried, when we were big enough, and live to- 
gether in a little house by the brook, where 
we could step right out of our back-door into 


140 THREE BACHELOR GIRLS 


the water, to paddle? And I said I ’d give you 
wagon rides in the summer, and sled rides in 
the winter. 

“‘Bob, will you do all that?’ you asked, 
looking up at me lovingly. 

“‘Yes, and more,’ I said tenderly. ‘I’ll 
give you pancakes twice a day, with cream and 
sugar on ’em!’ 

“‘Aw, Bob, how nice!’ you murmured. 
‘And you’ll never chop the heads off my dolls, 
to see what makes ’em cry? Nor poke their 
eyes out, to see what makes ’em go to sleep? ’ 

“‘Never, never again! cross m ’heart!’ 

“Then you hid your face against my 
shoulder, and whispered, ‘I guess I’ll marry 
you, Bob’ — and taking the candy from our 
mouths, we let our lips meet in one long, sweet 
kiss — your hair blowing softly over my face, 
and your hands clasped tightly in mine. Do 
you remember, Ted? 

“Then together, hand in hand, we went 
across the fields to tell your grandmother the 
glad news. And she, stooping down, kissed 


CONCERNING A COURTSHIP 141 


us both, and said ‘I hope you do wed, some- 
time, children!’” 

His voice ceased; he sat silent for a moment. 

“That was a good many years ago, Ted 
dear. Don’t you think it’s about time you 
made good your promise? The last time I 
asked you, you said that two people couldn ’t 
live on the salary I was making. That cut 
deep ! I made up my mind I ’d never ask you 
again until I earned much more. Yesterday 
I received a letter from my firm, saying 
Rogers had resigned, and that I was next in 
line for his job — so I reckon I could make a 
go of it now, if you ’d make good your promise.” 

Bob raised his head, and pulled himself 
up until his eyes were level with mine, and — 
but the rest is just between Bob and me! 

[finis] 




/ 


/ 









